Jesus and My Bodywash

Ever go back to old journal entries? It's a marvelous thing to do. If you ever want to connect dots or follow the path that led you to the current moment you are in, just check out old stuff you were writing about. Since I just started this blog I have a lot of old stuff I want to share. Here is the first.

Back in September I wrote about a decision I made. God for awhile was pressing on my heart that I needed to make a decision; was I going to pick the road marked with complacency or sacrifice? I chose to let Him open me up, uproot me, and gut me out. I wanted it...and I still do.

But now I get why it sometimes seems so messy in this season. I gave Him a VIP all access pass back in September.

So, here is the journal entry:

September 19, 2010

"My good friend Christina (and her mom!) both heard the audible voice of God's matrimonial assurance upon their first encounter with what would later become their future husbands. Moses was encountered with such a powerful presence of the Lord that he had to veil his shining face. God told Nathan to tell David he was forgiven after commiting murder and adultery. People HEAR and ENCOUNTER God in powerful, profound ways.

God talks to me about my body wash.

Long story short: God has been pressing on me the choice between 2 different roads.

The first. Marked with complacency and comfort. It's on this road that I never step outside of myself or what is comfortable.
The second. Marked with sacrifice and discipline. It's this road that leads us to die to ourself, our ways of thinking, and our own efforts. And folks, it's scary down this path. But, I want it.

Well, with it comes a lot of uprooting. After all, a beautiful, fruit bearing, fragrant lilac bush can't sit on this second road when it's surrounded by very deep rooted, thorn-ridden, plants. Are you familiar with wisteria?

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Oh wisteria. 

Back when I owned a house, we had this cute plant called wisteria. It was pretty. It was deceptive. It was deadly. Like plant cancer. It would wrap itself around huge, wonderful trees and choke the very life out of it. These trees could have been old, deep rooted, weathered trees...they didn't stand a chance against the slow death of wisteria. Everything it touched could not survive long.

Well-God showed me my wisteria. (What's yours?) My deep rooted junk. The thing that all issues branch out of:  

Self-hatred. 

(Really?) After this year's Yom Kippur, a time set aside for God to uncover with you iniquities that are secret even from yourself...it was made clear.

And that brings me to my initial point (after my very loquacious preface);  

you don't appreciate something or value it if you don't know how much it costs.  

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I have this Olay Body Ribbons Body Wash stuff in my shower. It was bought for me for Christmas. I was walking through Wegmans the other day and saw it on the shelf-$7 dollars! That's a lot of money. I came home and realized I was looking at that bottle a lot different. All of the sudden I was glad I had it. I appreciated the scent, the texture, I hadn't realized how great it made my skin feel. Ah, yes. Because I knew it was $7. Before that moment it was just another body product. I get a ton of these every Christmas; lotions, body washes, the works.

And then God showed me: "You don't understand your value and you cannot see your worth because you don't realize how much YOU cost me. Meditate on this. Think about this. I bought YOU. You were costly. How much value must you have to Me? Let Me show you your value. Not you. Not lies spoken over you when you were younger. Not harsh words or actions against you. You have let that define your worth when I have already decided your price. Will you see how valuable you are now that you see the price tag I put on you?"

I have only begun to really get this. There is a long journey ahead of me. One that requires a secret place with Him, a refuge, and a lot of uprooting. 24 years of wrong thinking, bad thought patterns, and believing lies needs to be undone. I saw the symptoms of this but never saw the root.

The root's uncovered...and I'm gonna take a chainsaw to it."

Fast forward about 7 months later. I'm glad I made that decision. And it probably will get messier at times. But I wouldn't want to be in any other spot. And slowly I'm learning my value.

Take a second, look back. Check out an old journal entry. See how faithful God is.