Manipulating God

(Picture by Mary Kate, "Tantrum")
"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death" 

Proverbs 14:12

News just in; God is not provoked to change through my apoplectic attacks.  He is not a man who is easily coerced. It doesn't matter how much I don't understand, how many fits I throw, what it is that I think I know better, He will not move. He is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And you know what? I'm glad.

Because what I'm learning is just like the verse above says, sometimes there are things I think are right, they feel right, they seem right, I want them to be right, they should be right...but in the end they will lead to heartbreak, pain, running off course, distraction, and a hot mess.

It's not that God wants to hold out on us, either. In fact, He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. He even provides us with a promise that anything we ask for in His name, we will get. But it has to be in His name. It has to be under His will, in alignment with His plan. If we ask for anything that will be good for us and for His ultimate plan to bring Himself the glory He deserves...it's ours. But how many times do we ask for things outside of this course we're on for our life? How many times have we asked for the very thing that is poison for our souls?

I am so relieved that my schemes and manipulation techniques won't work on God.

 

Imagine the disaster that would ensue if that weren't true. Picture the consequences a parent and child face when the stubborn toddler is able to frequently manipulate their parents. How much different, really, are we? God is the best Father, the most wise parent, the most patient caretaker. And He will not be manipulated. No amount of kicking and screaming, yelling and throwing tantrums, will move Him off the course He knows best.

Lately, I am so thankful for this fact.

The picture above is from the bedroom of my friend, Mary Kate. (Who, by the way, inspires me, spurs me on, sharpens me, and who Jesus lives in!) With it, the scripture Psalm 73:21-23. I like it best in the Amplified Version,

"For my heart was grieved, embittered, and in a state of ferment, and I was pricked in my heart. So foolish, stupid, and brutish was I, and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You do hold my right hand."

He will wait out our tantrums, He will not give in to our manipulation and fits, He will patiently discipline us and guide us, and even better, when it's all said and done...He will still be there holding our right hand.

I get this great picture in my head when I see the last part of that verse. I invision the moment after the big crying fit, you know, when it's super hard to breathe and you're taking in air at short intervalls. You're just starting to calm down...and you look down at you're right hand to see His still there. It's normally at these moments in life when you give out a sigh of relief and chuckle. You're foolish, He's patient, and you're still together.

Because, really, there is a way that seems right to us in that moment but it leads to death.
Nevertheless.

xoxo,
mp

More Like The Giving Tree

 

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Philippians 2: 3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others"

I have a lot of friends who love the book The Giving Tree. In fact, one of my girlfriends Jess even has a beautiful tattoo of it on her arm. But I need to confess something; although I realized the book stood for deep, profound, beautiful things...reading it has always infuriated me.

How terrible is that? A book about giving of yourself to the happiness of others made me angry. And you know why? I think it's because I felt sad for the tree. To me, it was weakness. Why didn't the tree stick up for itself? Tell the boy he was being selfish. Explain to the boy what was right to ask for and what was not OK. Tell him that it was one-sided and that he was cut off. And why couldn't the boy have been a better friend?  But I'm wrong.

I was reading in Philippians today and it's clear-to give all of you is right, to hold back is wrong. Self-preservation is wrong. Being closed off is wrong. The whole Bible makes that clear. For goodness sake, Jesus should NOT have given Himself like He did, right?! Imagine if He didn't do for us what we very well deserved to have not done...

It's because I have been in self-preservation mode, because I needed to take care of myself and survive, because I was looking out for me and felt like if I gave too much, everyone would take all of me, leave, and there would be nothing left. But what that's created is selfishness. Holding back from others what God has put in me to give. To hold on to your life, you lose it. To die is to gain. How could I have missed this? It's not that I didn't read it, it's that I didn't believe it. It's that I thought my way was right and that God was confused on this one. But it's the inside, outside, upside Kingdom. He will not let me give more than I am able to give, and He will sustain me.

Now, this isn't to say that you are extreme about this concept. You don't let yourself get walked all over and beaten up. You don't do it to people please or to gain affection. You do it to glorify your Father. You do it because you are to consider others above you. You do it because at the end of your life, if you self-preserved perfectly and always didn't give if someone didn't deserve it or was asking what you thought was too much...it wouldn't mean a thing.

So, God is calling me to be like this giving tree. Even if it's scary.
And to let go of this idea of survival and self-preservation, because it's not Biblical.
God will provided for all of my needs, I don't need to play that role anymore.
And maybe no one noticed, maybe it never seemed like it was like that-but God knows my inner world and heart...
So I wanted to say I'm sorry, to Him and to anyone I have held back from.
I'm sorry if I didn't compliment when I should have, or encouraged you when I should have.
I'm sorry if I didn't let you into my world when you deserved to be in there.
I'm sorry if I only got out of it what I needed and left you without what you needed.
I'm sorry if I didn't extend my forgiveness when you hurt me.
I'm sorry I didn't give.
Because I want to be about the interests of others and not just my own.

Proverbs 17:11, "He who builds a high gate invites destruction".

High gates are there for protection. Sometimes we build up our own city gates around our worlds for the same reason. Although wisdom is important, the battle is for the Lord. More destruction comes from gating everyone else out.

xoxo,
mp

Convincing Proofs

And hope is like love...a ridiculous, wonderful, powerful thing. (from The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo)

So, I'm reading in the book of Acts, and right there, first paragraph, it hits me...

"After His suffering, He showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive"

Let's back track a little bit. This is Jesus, who has just spent an enormous amount of time with these men teaching them, being left alone while they fall asleep, and then dying. This guy just died on a cross and came back from the dead...and here He is, still proving Himself to doubtful dudes. Anyone else find this a little bit too close to home?

I mean, it's everywhere in the Bible. Just look at God in Isaiah 1:18. "Come now, let us reason together. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow". It's like He's saying. "Ok, Israelites.  You're a hot mess. You never listen, you never get it, you are constantly turning away from me...but I'm gonna be patient. I see what you really desire...and that's Me. Even though you act like a two year old." What?! Here is an eternal, powerful, all knowledgeable God...and He is willing to take the time to reason with us. Ha! Isn't this a crazy concept?!

I am constantly needing more reassurance that He is really alive and that He really loves me. And you know the funniest part about all of it? He is constantly showing Himself to me and giving me many convincing proofs. Proof that He IS alive, that He IS for me, that He DOES love me, that nothing has changed since the last time I asked.

Ever find yourself in the middle of so many things years ago your heart secretly whispered it wanted?

You never realize it as its unfolding, just when you're smack dead in the middle of it all.

As I was biking home yesterday, I heard Him whisper to me, "Take a look around your life, Meg"

I just started crying, like a fool, on my bike. (I was so glad I had sunglasses on)

For many reasons that would take too long to explain (and I think Jesus is saying are secrets between us) so many things have come to fruition. Little things, big things, important things, not so important things...they are there. Not because He had to but because for some strange reason, He is in the business of proving Himself even though He doesn't have to. It's like He wanted to say to me...."See Meg, I heard every heart whisper, I was there then and I'm here now"

So, take a look around you.

Are you in a season He spoke of years ago?

Are you doing things you couldn't put into words before?

Is He showing himself and proving He is alive in little ways only you could know?

xoxo.

mp

Truth to Fight With. Truth to Lean On.

A long time ago, I made up a booklet full of "truth cards". I wanted to share them with you all on here. Lies can be a funny thing. They can make you act in strange ways, think strange things, and ultimately set you off your course. Some of these biblical truths are fighting scriptures and some are leaning scriptures. That is to say, sometimes it's time to fight with truth...and sometimes it's time to just lean on truth.

The following scriptures and verses are my most used/weathered/favorite verses from the truth cards:

1 Corinthians  15:58 "So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."

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2 Corinthians 10:4 "The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds"

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Psalm 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless"

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1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it"

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Mathew 6:33 "He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern"

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Deut 14:2 "You have been set apart as Holy but the Lord your God and He has chosen you out of all the nations of the earth to be His own special treasure"

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James 1:24 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

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James 1:16 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows"

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James 4:7-8 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you"

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Romans 8:38-29 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"

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Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations"

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Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes"

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Psalm 37:3-5 "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will do this"

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Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry"

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Psalm 34:22 "The Lord redeems His servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in Him"

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Hosea 11:3-4 "It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them"

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Jeremiah 33:6 "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security"

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Psalm 18:16-19 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me, He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy who were too strong for me...but the Lord was my support. He brought me into a spacious place, He rescued me because He DELIGHTED IN ME"

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Psalm 121:5-8 "The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-He will watch over your life"

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Isaiah 54:10 "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you"

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Isaiah 43: 18-19 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland"

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Hope you can fight with,

Or lean on,

Some of these...

xoxo,

mp

Unseen

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It's funny how ideas are, in a lot of ways they're just like seeds. Both of them start real, real small and then. . . woop, zoop, sloop . . . before you can say Jack Robinson they've gone and grown a lot bigger than you ever thought they could. (from Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis)

This goes for the lies and the truth.
Tonight I had one of those nights where the lies got louder and louder until I was saying them out loud to a friend on the telephone. All I needed was a little truth to be spoken and POOF! That cloud of negativity and despair was lifted and I could see clearly.
It's like when you're in a race and you're getting tired and you think you can't go one step further-you start telling yourself you're gonna stop...and then someone cheers for you and throws you some water. That's what happened tonight.
And the exciting part?
The lies were stopped a lot sooner than they ever have been before.
Nothing is different, just my perspective.

The problem with lies (besides the obvious) are that they seem to be right there in front of you, tangible almost. Something about you as a person or about your situation seems so real you could almost touch it.

The problem with truth is that many times it hasn't yet materialized. It's there. It's always been there. But it's not always easy to see.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see".  

Isn't that convenient to a people who need to touch it. To see it. At least, it would certainly be helpful.

1 Timothy 1:19 says, "CONTINUE to have faith and do what you know is right, some people have rejected this, and their faith has been shipwrecked."

Sometimes that means you need to continue to plow on when it stops getting easy.

When it's hard to see in front of you.
Sometimes that means you need to ignore your feelings.

When everything else in you in screaming to give in to doubt and listen to lies.

Sometimes that means you need to grab on to what you cannot grab on to.

Because He is faithful to complete it.

I have this hope as an anchor for my soul.

Firefly Nights

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"He was always, in the darkness of the dungeon, on the lookout for light, the smallest glimmer, the tiniest shimmer." (From The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo)

Fireflies have always been (since I got over my intense 5th grade obsession with Elvis) my very most favorite thing in this world. They are the most magical and beautiful thing I can think of. 

Last night some friends and I went for a walk through one of the local parks where I live. Although I used to live in a little town with one stoplight and no houses all around me, I had never seen a sight like this. Fireflies were everywhere. They were swirling around us, lighting up bushes, running into us!

I was in heaven! I felt like Zelda in the fairy pool! (anyone? anyone?)

And I wanted to cry (I know that sounds super cheesy). But I did. The idea that God made something like this (He didn't have to), that He knew how much I loved them, and that He gave me this one night where I was right in the middle of them...really moved me.

I'm starting to realize how everything is not black and white.

In the dungeon, there is light.

In your hurt, there is victory.

In trial, there is refining.

In ashes, there is beauty.
If giving up your life, you find it.

They have to always go side by side.

I'm seeing that through everything He is calling me to die to, to let go of, etc He also accompanies it with firefly nights.

Firefly nights may be those times you really need a reminder that even when He's asking everything of you, He is right there wanting to give you everything, too...

It's crazy but...He wants to. He doesn't feel like He has to.

Luke 12:32 says, "Your Father has been pleased to give you the Kingdom"

 

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So, for reallzzzzzzzzz...go on a midnight walk.

These fireflies are out of control.

xoxo

White Noise

I had a conversation with some friends of mine last night. Out of the many topics that were touched the concept of white noise was mentioned. I've heard the term before both in it's actual meaning and in it's application as a metaphor but something about my encounter with it last night was different.

Good 'ole Merriam Webster defines white noise as:

a heterogeneous mixture of sound waves extending over a wide frequency range that has been used to mask out unwanted noise interfering with sleep-called also white sound

Dang. Applying this definition to it's metaphorical purpose left me realizing that, try as I may to avoid it, my life is constantly filled up with this white noise.

Have you ever read Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis? It tells a tale of the devil and his minions plots against humans; how to get them off course subtly, how to keep them off course, how to distract them, how to ensure that they never really connect to God or have power in their life. A lot of this is true. In fact, most readers after finishing the book end with a sense of eeriness because we see our lives played out in that book. But make no mistake. A lot of this white noise we deal with is not just "Da debil". It's us. At least that's true in my life.

It's my constant avoidance of the real, true, God.

It's my inability to be raw and real with myself and Jesus.

It's my incessant need to fill up moments.

It's my fear of being alone with myself, my thoughts, my demons.

And this has gotten better. A lot better. But it's still in my being and if I'm not careful it slowly invites itself back in.

Let's take that definition of white noise apart real quick:

1.) Heterogeneous mixture of sound waves- Different types of distractions taking on the form of good and bad things. But remember, not all white noise is overtly bad in nature. It can look extremely productive or meaningful.

2.) Extending over a wide frequency range- It invites itself into every area of your life, permeating itself without invitation into every vacuum of quietness. And really, that's what He needs to be heard...quietness.

3.) Used to mask unwanted noise- Unwanted to who? This white noise, constant worrying, new goals or obsessions will inevitably mask the otherwise open opportunity to hear something, connect to something, realize something else far more important.

So, I'll be honest...I'm a hot mess. I've gotten off track.

If I were to be honest with myself...I did it on purpose.

It's not easy facing yourself and being real with God.

It's terrifying.

But the truth is, He is for me. He is good. He is not surprised by my lack of perfection and my inability to love Him like He deserves.

He knew I would be like that.

He chose me anyway.

This isn't a normal love, one that's conditional.
He's not like everyone else, He won't leave.
I don't have to be perfect and I can mess it up and come to Him.

I'm gonna try and get rid of this white noise.
And be careful to not have it come back.
And it's gonna take a lifetime to train myself...

xoxo,
mp