Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
This is a basic scripture. A staple scripture. One that we hear all the time and one that sometimes seems to lose it's significance to familiarity. Not tonight.
I've always liked this section of scripture. Because it's so true. It's so relatable. It's so useable. How many of us have encountered some time in our life when we were anxious and needed to be told...not to be anxious? Everyone. But I'll be honest, when I wasn't breezing by the thanksgiving piece in the scripture somewhat ignoring it...I was a little confused by it.
If you were a fly on the wall of my consciousness (bet you're having fun in there), my inner dialogue would sound something like this:
Don't be anxious about anything-check. Makes sense.
Pray about each thing as it comes up. Without anxiety. Let Him know what's up-check. Makes sense.
Thanksgiving?
Is this really a time for thanksgiving?
Do you want me to fake it right now, Lord?
I'm trying to get a hold of not being anxious right now. That's quite a feat. If I can do that, I'm super awesome.
So what's this stuff about being super thankful also.
Does this really have a place here?
I mean, it has a place...thankfulness. But I think you mixed up some of your verses, God.
And that is the relationship I had with that scripture for the better part of my walk.
Truthfully, until tonight.
Something happened tonight in the middle of my super honest, super raw, and super frustrating conversation with God (those, by the way, are equally the most sucky and most incredible convos to have with Him. Otherwise, everything that matters and everything that's real tends to somehow get locked up on the inside while we go parading about in our perfectly well adjusted looking selves. Totally put together. Totally self-sufficient. Totally full of crap).
What happened was, while I was gearing up to feel really sorry for myself and frustrated at the requirements I felt He had given me, He switched something in me. Some stream of thoughts got crossed. As I'm in mid-sentence voicing all my my honest and sincere frustrations (which is always an important thing to do with God-transparency and honesty) thanksgiving butted in line like a rude customer trying to execute a friend-chat-budge (Larry David, anyone?) Suddenly, my words changed. A flood of all of what He's done to get me to that place in my kitchen came to me. All the people. All the growth. All the awful times that produced the most fruit. All the lessons learned. All the changes in my heart. All the mountains He's shaken for me. And I couldn't do anything but say it all out loud. It was powerful. It changed everything that was going on inside of me.
What I was upset about was still there, it didn't fix it.
And I don't believe God made me acknowledge the good things because He doesn't want to hear me complaining.
I believe there is something really powerful about thanksgiving.
God would have listened all night to me. He would have loved to hear my real heart about things. I'm sure He wishes I was more open and honest with Him.
But tonight, what I needed spiritually was thanksgiving rising up inside of me.
Something changes when it starts to bubble up.
Suddenly, you're humbled. And not in some violent way. In an almost soft, quiet, whisper.
When thanksgiving starts to rise up in you and you start declaring the moments; both big and small...it feels like God whispering to you,
I know. I see it. I agree with everything you're saying and feeling.
And I love you so much.
And I'm so glad you are saying all of this to me.
Do you remember, though, that I'm good.
Don't forget I'm for you.
Don't forget we are in this together.
Don't forget these other things, only because you need to know how much I'm willing to do for you.
To work for you.
To work for you.
To do on your behalf.
And all of this matters to me.
You matter to me.
And I'm not mad you're mad.
So be mad.
Or sad.
Or whatever it is you are.
Just as long as you remember I'm holding you right now.
Just as long as you don't start believing other thoughts.
Just as long as you don't stop seeing me.
Because I knew you'd feel overwhelmed.
And I knew you'd need to be reminded.
So think about what we've done together so far.
And when your fit is over, I'm still here.
Bam.
And once I said all the things He has done and all the things I was so greatful for, the truth was.... I really was so greatful. I really didn't even feel the same way I felt when I started.
So sometimes, in the middle of a morose-filled mood...think about such things.
xoxo,
mp
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