Carrying You and It

“Come, Mr. Frodo!” he cried. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you and it is as well.” (from The Return of the King by JRR Tolkien)

For anyone who has ever FELT a certain way that seemed real but wasn't.
For anyone who questioned whether Jesus had temporarily left their side.
For anyone in the middle of swarming thoughts and emotions.
I will look like a crazy fool in this journey if it means you know you are not crazy...
(Ephesians 4:25  "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.")

I recently had another "Wave Night". I haven't had one of those in a long time. Wave nights are characterized by huge, tsunami floods of emotion; too strong to think logically.
It's funny. Thoughts and emotions are a powerful thing. They steer your actions and they have the ability to control your entire mood and person if you let them. But they are not real. And one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn how to control thoughts and emotions. Or you'll spin.

In the past, these left me paralyzed and sent me for a spin.

Now, they still have a powerful effect....but this time I know truth a little better.
I know some foundational things that used to be shaken before but can't be shaken now; God is for me, God is good, and God is in control.

So the other night, as this flood I had thought I would never have to swim in again...came rushing into my bedroom all I could do was say,

"This is not real and I'm OK"

Now, to those of you who don't have these emotional episodes...this sounds crazy and melodramatic.

But in the moment, although I am a fairly logical, intelligent, independent woman...these are the most terrifying and real moments.

The difference with this time was that although it FELT real in the moment, I remembered the deception from before.
It smelled like real, it tasted like real, it felt like real...but it wasn't.

So I said over and over out loud (like a crazy woman)

this is not real and I'm OK.

I wrote it on post-it notes on my wall through tears, "This is not real and I'm OK"

And as I said it, I felt the Lord saying to me....

"It is in moments like these that you either you believe I am with you and I never leave you or you don't"

And this is truth. Hebrews declares it,

"I will never leave you nor forsake you"

Hebrews 13:5

Just because I felt totally abandoned and alone in this emotional flood of a fight for that moment, I wasn't.

Just because it seemed that if He was there it wouldn't be like this, He was there...and it was like this.

But I really do believe He sat by my side on my bed that night...holding my hand and walking me through it.

Because He is proud of me (and you).

Because He is in control.

And I'm sure it hurts His heart to see me like that more than it hurt me that night.

I still have so much to learn.

About being selfless.

About not being perfect.

About controlling thoughts.
About controlling attitude.

About being more like Jesus and less like me.

About being secure in love and resting in grace.

So much so that it's overwhelming.

But I have learned something really important through nights like those and the time in between, something more important than any other lesson we learn; God is for us, He is good, He never leaves us, He never forsakes us, and He is in control.

So even though He can't carry the thing for me, He can carry me with all of the stuff I'm holding.

xoxo,

mp

 But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.

2 Corinthians 2:14

I'd Rather Be Fighting

"I was going to say I wished we'd never come. But I don't, I don't. Even if we are killed. I'd rather be killed fighting for Narnia than grow old and stupid at home and perhaps go about in a bathchair and then die in the end just the same" The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis, pg 96

I'm coming to an end in my Chronicles of Narnia time.
I'm on the last, and one of the best books, The Last Battle.
Pole, Eustace, Tirian, Puzzle, and Jewel are on the verge of one of the biggest battles they will have to face. Pole and Eustace choose not to leave Narnia at this crucial moment but to fight in a battle they very well might die in. It's at this time of self-sacrifice and total war for the goodness of Narnia that they begin to question if they should have stayed.
If turning around might have been the wiser choice.
And then Pole says the above quote, stopping me dead in my tracks as I read.
And it really touched me. I kept reading this part over and over again.
And I think it's because I understand this sentiment.
Sometimes, in this all out war for our destinys and small to large battles, you question whether or not you were crazy for deciding to do this thing. If maybe going back wasn't the better option. If the shortcut or the easier way may turn out just as well. If really the death of self, sacrifice, uprooting, pain, and overall yuckiness of doing the 'right thing' is really worth it.
And in many moments, it's not an easy answer.

But right now, I am in a season of rejoicing.
I'm glad I didn't give up all the times I felt like giving up. I'm glad Jesus never gave up, more importantly. I'm glad that He is long-suffering. 

Because if I had to do any of it all over again, I would. Every minute and every tear.

This week I have been so overwhelmed when I think about the past 10 years;

What has happened in that short amount of time, How much He refused to give up on me in my stubborn unwillingness to let Him be my Father, learning what His love really looks like, and also some of the painful (at the time) costs of the choice to follow Him.

Although in the moment, sometimes, it can feel like you want to walk away or that a different way of living would be easier...there is nowhere else you'd rather be than right here, where you are with Him, as His son or daughter.

No one said it would be easy all the time.
They just said it would be worth it. (and it is)

Every time He won't move when I throw a tantrum
Every unsuccessful try at manipulating,
Every moment I can't see clearly,
Every little sacrifice He calls me to make,
Every time I choose obedience or the harder road,
Every sad or lonely moment,
Every battle that seems unbeatable,
Every deep rooted weed that's pulled up out of my heart...
I'm remembering....I'd do it again and again.
Even if that means a thousand deaths to the things I thought I wanted alive.

Because the fruits of the things He asks of us, as unpleasant in the moment as they seem, really do matter and have lasting repercussions in our lives (and for the generation that is following us).
What I'm doing is about more than my 85 years. It's about my kids. It's about people around me.
It's about saying Yes to a God who said yes to me before I even knew what all of that meant.

So in the moments when it's scary and you are on the forefront of battles,
Or in the moments He is calling you to some sacrifice or trial that seems too great,
When you're about to say you wish you didn't come,
Remember you'd rather be fighting than dying in that bathchair without ever really conquering those battles.
After all, if you're going to die in the end just the same,
You might as well die for Narnia.

xoxo,
mp

Balloons.

 

For years, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon had hoped that if they kept Harry as downtrodden as possible, they would be able to squash the magic out of him. To their fury, they had been unsuccessful. (from Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling)

For quite some time now, I have had a fixation with balloons. There's something about them that is captivating. They stand for beauty, for flight, for rising above, and for obtaining perspective. And sometimes, perspective is what we need most. Sometimes, on ground level, we cannot see clearly.

Many times in your life, there will be a battle for truth. For your identity. For the life and spirit inside of you. And when those waves come you have a choice; will you believe them? Will you be pulled back down? Or will you believe truth? Will you choose to let the God that called you according to His purpose author your identity? It's not easy.

"We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" 2 Corinthians 10:5

Because the truth is, you have a mandate to fight evil with good.

When people come against you,

When you feel wronged,

When you're misunderstood,

Fight it with good.

Love covers over a multitude of sins.

Choose being humble over being proud.

Choose believing truth over believing lies.

Because His story for your life is too precious to be lost at the first battle against your worth. And the foundation you have been building together for all these years can withstand it. It was meant to withstand it. It was meant to be tested.

"It (the foundation built) will be revealed with fire. And the fire will test the quality of each man's work." 1 Corinthians 3:13

So grab a balloon.
Gain some perspective.
Because all the huffing and puffing in the world will not blow your house down.
And the magic cannot be squashed out of you.

xoxo,

mp

Leaf Blowers and Captain Planet

"In the meantime Alice got up and washed her face and ate porridge for breakfast. She went to school and came home and did her homework. And pretty soon she was grown up."Miss Rumphius by B. Cooney

 The previous quote is from a children's book. Miss Rumphius was a little girl who told her grandpa she was going to travel to far away places and then come back and live beside the sea where she grew up. Her grandfather told her to add "You must do something to make the world more beautiful". The book is about her travels, her getting to know herself, and ultimately figuring out how she was going to make the world a more beautiful place.

I love this book. A friend of mine read it to her students and told me about it. She said it reminded her of me. So, what did I do? I went out immediately and rented it from the library. I love children's books; metaphors and simplicity woven throughout every page.

Miss Rumphius has taken time to travel the world, to get to know herself, to invest in what she loves, and to discover new things. This is very much like my journey. And while I am trying to figure out how to make the world a more beautiful place...and while every summer I am hopping around continents....mostly this book speaks to me about how quickly we grow up.

Today I was in my backyard racking and trimming the garden down to get it ready for winter's frost and Spring's growth. (And sitting on the porch reading Chronicles of Narnia on this fine, warm, autumn like day!) I was hauling this huge amazon.com box that my coat rack came in this morning, filling it with leaves and dragging it to the street corner. I must have done this 7 times while my neighbor causally walked along his lawn with a leaf blower. Eventually he turns to me and says, "Meg, you know, you really need to get one of these". And then I thought to myself, "Am I really at a time in my life when for Christmas I should ask my parents for a leaf blower?!" 

Mind you, I never thought I would be settled down anywhere. The thought of leaf blowers, gardens, or silly window fixtures made me cringe. I thought that was selling out and pictured a life of traveling and adventures packed into a dirty, weathered, purple, Colombia backpack.
But God is a God of balance.
And hopping around the world wasn't what I needed.
(Although every summer I will go to a new place, damnit. And I still can sleep in a mud hut on rocks)

The truth is, we are as old as we act and feel.

We can make the world come alive with just a little switch in perspective.

And our habits, thoughts, activities, and attitudes make all the difference.

But while I am really a child at heart, playing with etch-a-sketches, watching Captain Planet, and taking adventurous hikes throughout random parks...I might need a leaf blower.

This is a strange season to be living in.

But definitely a beautiful one.

So, as you're picking up the leaves that have fallen and preparing for a cold winter... (I do this now?!)

As you're sitting on your back porch drinking your homemade beer and reading Chronicles of Narnia...

As you're learning to get to know the neighbors and the birds that frequent your bird feeder out back...

As you're learning about coat racks and leaf blowers...

Just roll with it.

Because pretty soon you'll get back from school, each your porridge, and be all grown up.

xoxo,

mp

The picture above is from approximately page 8. In it, she has settled down in a house. The page reads as follows, "From the porch of her new houe Miss Rumphius watched the sun come up; she watched it cross the heavens and sparkle on the water; and she saw it set in glory in the evening. She started a little garden among the rocks that surrounded her house, and she planted a few flower seeds in the stony ground. Miss Rumphius was almost perfectly happy. 'But there's still one more thing I have to do. I have to do something to make the world more beautiful. But what? The world is already pretty nice' she thought, looking out over the ocean."

A Myriad of Masks

"There we go. A lot of brown paint. There. I know you're sitting at home saying 'boy he's messed up this time'.  And you may be right. Let's just see what happens here..."-Bob Ross, 1985

Bob Ross always says it best. Remember his painting show? I used to watch it with my grandfather when I was little. I still remember his big, bushy beard and pale blue button up shirts. And while the quote is a bit of a nostalgic tribute, it's also because I've been thinking about perfection; our aspirations and unavoidable failures on the road there. Good thing Jesus is patient and works everything together for our good. Between my strive for perfection and his grace over my pride...it ends up alright in the end.

Myself, like many others, in a desperate effort to keep my accolades as someone who has it together, who is strong, who is worthy of love (and thereby perfect) have possessed a myriad of masks that I have donned my entire young adult life. These masks are tightly clutched in my hands at times and at other times, completely thrown to the ground (and then picked up again and dusted off). I think that constant, internal battle is natural, though. I think it's also natural that we are constantly fighting to throw out said masks like an old t-shirt you continue saying should be kept around.

In honor of this, I have made a small list I was just amusing myself with tonight that includes a random assortment of activities, character traits, or daily life happenings that I assume everyone else in the world is perfect at and I wish I did. After all, C.S. Lewis said, “We read to know we’re not alone". And maybe some of these have space in your inner worlds, as well. Either way, this is my symbolic liberation of the masks!

(Clause: These are extremes and not necessarily norms. My pride makes me throw this clause in here. I am, for the most part, an organized, clean, and semi-aware individual)

• Wash the dish: Sometimes, I leave the crusty dishes that the dishwasher couldn't even win a battle with instead of taking them out and scrubbing them.
• Hang my clothes up: I don't always hang my clothes back up when I come in the house after work.
• Selfishness with chores: If I don't deal with it, Kimberly will.
• Rational thought: I get mad at people for being rude, aggressive drivers even if I mimicked the same behavior 5 seconds prior (or directly after).
• Self-discipline: Chronicles of Narnia has replaced more Jesus dates than I care to count.
• Put my phone away: Texting and driving. Really?
• Toilet time:  I do not always flush the toilet in the middle of the night.(It's too loud, ok)

I have been convinced that everyone else does all of these things I fail to do.
While these are not the most interesting examples, you get the idea.
Maybe you could jot down a few off the top of your head. Chances are I do it, too. And so does Sally.
At any rate, I'm all for giving the most seemingly insignificant moments a sly potency.
Cheers to the funny little things we try and hide.

mp

Intents and Purposes

"I think I can read most things, Miss Honey," Matilda said, "although I'm afraid I can't always understand the meanings." (from Matilda by Roald Dahl

This is how I feel this morning.

I've mislabeled or at least misunderstood in full a feeling I have been having.
And really, I've only begun to understand it.
There has been this bubbling up inside of me, this internal nagging.
It rests as an undercurrent, pulling with it emotions, actions, attitudes, and decisions.
But sometimes it rises up into a full wave.

And until this morning I haven't been able to quite put my finger on it.
(Thanks to a wonderful lunch with my friend and mentor who seems to always bring with her pinpoint accuracy and clarity)
I thought I understood it to be one thing when in fact it's much more specific.

Just 2 weeks ago I met with a friend and she said,
"Meg, you just seem...aggravated".
And that was the perfect word for it. But aggravated about what?
I am for all intents and purposes a well adjusted, successful,  emotionally and physically healthy young adult.
And discontent? With what?

These feelings have been bothering me for some time now, only made more intense by such writings of David Foster Wallace as this:

"It's the automatic, unconscious way that I experience the boring, frustrating, crowded parts of adult life when I'm operating on the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities."

Discontent. Aggravated.

I thought it was just my own aggravation at the complacency of life, at the selfishness we all battle inside of us, at the rooted desire to be the center of the universe.
But it's so much more specific than that.

All these things are true and I'm discovering are the general reasons for the aggravation and discontent but really, they arise from this specific life mission:

My life, my struggles, my choices and my purpose have never been about me. There is a generation that is looking to the ones who have gone before them. There are young woman who with just one person's intentional investment will become more than I ever dreamed of becoming. And if I sit in my room, soaking up all that I've learned and proud of myself for all that I have conquered, than that's where it ends; me in my room.

And what's the point of that? Me in my room? What's the point of all the things I do and want to learn about if that's where the story ends? So, I know a lot of interesting things...for what? So, I've learned how to brew coffee in 7 different methods and can explain to you the basic compound structures of the bean-why? I know the best places for hiking-why? I've skydived-why? I'm creating interesting projects that act as creative outlets-why? I'm tackling tough questions about life....for what? Of course enjoying life, always learning, always figuring things out is important; it's how I function. But sometimes, I think we do it to satisfy something deeper inside of us.

See, where I went wrong was thinking this discontent I was wrestling with was just about adult life and being less selfish on a daily basis and fighting the routine we get seduced into. And while that is a very real part of the battle, what I'm beginning to understand is that this feeling inside of me is the desire to
p

  o

    u

      r

            o

               u

                   t.

All of my strengths.

All of my lessons.

All of my time.

All of my heart.

(Whatever that amounts to)

Because I've had time to figure out who Meg is. And I've had time to conquer some very real battles.

And He's been faithful to me. But it wasn't FOR me. It was for them.

And if I sit at this crossroad and continue to think I'm not ready or good enough...then I'll always be sitting here. Many people are still sitting here.

But I can't pretend that the eyes of beautiful, intelligent, young woman are not looking at me. I can't pretend they don't watch my life and are not waiting for the moment I will turn around and look back at them. These same young woman are the girls who are battling what I have battled, who are discovering what I have discovered, who are fighting what I have fought...and who need someone to intentionally come alongside of them and decide to help them along the way.

And it's not easy. And it won't be immediate. And it won't always be fulfilling in that moment.
And I'm sure many alternative options will be much more appealing from time to time.

I realize the seeds and ground work needed for this don't reap results immediately like other things do but that in 10-15 years there will be something to speak to my purpose and time like other things can't.
And honestly, the stakes are too high for me not to.

And I'll never feel ready or good enough. We'll never be ready or good enough.

But what I do know to be true:

I am a 25 year old woman.

I have a desire to see the next generation of young people have life breathed into them.

To see them have guidance and support.

To provide them with a woman ready to battle with them the attacks against their worth and beauty.

To hold their hand through confusing forests of questions and distractions.

And to remind them of the power that's in their life and decisions.

Because shortly, there will be younger girls and boys looking at them.

And I remember what it was like not having guidance. I remember what it took to win the fights.

I remember the Lord battling for me. I remember the power in the words of someone I looked up to.

After all, what's all this about?

Eventually, I will be 65 with the majority of my life behind me.

And just being kind daily and reminding myself, this is water isn't enough.

Just choosing how to think right and sending positive texts now and then isn't enough. 

But if I planted seeds and worked the ground, as unglamorous as it was at the time-

there will be fruit to look at and feel proud of.

But if I sat instead as years swirled by me...I will end up at some midlife crisis full of regret.

The right choices are normally the hardest.
Nothing is reaped right after it's sown.
And life can't be about you.
And frankly, I can't keep ignoring this current inside me.
So, I'm going to trust He will help me do this.
And that I'll mess up a bit along the way.
And I'm going to expect frustration and disappointment.
But at least I won't still be sitting at the crossroads waiting for something to happen to me.
Instead, I'll be sitting at a table across from a young woman who has waited for me to happen to her.

mp

Sweet Potato Mornings

"And just as there are moments when simply to lie in bed and see the daylight pouring through your window and to hear the cheerful voice of an early postman down below and to realize that it was only a dream; it wasn't real, is so heavenly that it was very nearly worth having the nightmare in order to have the joy of waking, so they all felt when they came out of the dark."-VOTDT, C.S. Lewis

Although there are some tendencies for a career as an educator to leave you with feelings of exhaustion (as any profession, vocation, or thing we really throw our passion into does) I can't argue that having a 4 day weekend doesn't make for a bad gig.

This morning, November 10, 2011, hereby marks the commencement of said 4 day weekend. I started it off, and am still in, (with it now being 12:06, possessing the same high school soccer shorts, messy hair, and tank top as I had when this all began at the bright hour of 8am) alternating between the activities of reading, writing, eating, and sleeping in various cyclical patterns incorporating all 4 variables (with room for daydreaming). 

I've been reading (and re-reading) a lot of David Foster Wallace this morning (as I just recently acquired two of his works, the first being a collection of essays entitled, A Supposedly Funny Thing I'll Never Do Again as well as a printed copy of a commencement speech he gave entitled, This is Water at my most recent Barnes & Noble adventure). And by reading, of course, I mean I have been inhaling with laughter and underlying jealousy the sentences and ideas he is able to not so delicately put together. All of which serve as irrefutable proof of his comic genius :O) (My nerdy run-on-paragraph ends here) I feel like it warrants mention that sweet potatoes are always a great accomplice to mornings like this; serving to nurture and care for all your caloric and nutritional needs.

All of that to say, it's a good morning. And alternating between DFW and C.S. Lewis always inspires you. This morning, as I entered into another adventure in Narnia, I came across two quotes describing a moment that the Dawn Treader had when it was coming out from a spot in the water that was incredibly dark and scary.

It reminded me; it's so easy to lose sight of the simple beauties in our day to day. When we're in the busy times it's even easier (as DFW would say) to forget to actively chose how we think, what we pay attention to, and how we construct meaning from experience. As I've read this morning, the insidious thing about all of these distractions and battles we face daily is that they are unconscious. But in all of the busy, in all of the expectations, and even in all of the very commendable goals we have for ourselves, sometimes I forget to do this-choose. 

Choose to notice things.

Choose to think different.

Choose to see the bigger picture.

Choose to enjoy.

And that's not easy task. Our present culture makes this incredibly difficult for us. It benefits from us not doing this. And the worst part is, I'm the minority. Not everyone gets 4 day weekends to relax, contemplate life, chill with sweet potatoes, and really think about some of this stuff. A lot of people work longer hours, have less time to think, and are under enormous amounts of responsibilities and stress. But we can choose to alternate our daily, at least in small ways.

Sometimes, after stressful weeks or project due dates, I feel like I'm the Dawn Treader coming out of a battle or that dark spot in the ocean. But, I also feel like her in the quote below,

"But the brightness of the ship herself astonished them: they had half expected to find that the darkness would cling to the white and the green and the gold in the form of some grime or scum"

Those times don't corrode our inner person.

Because, sure enough, there always comes a time when you emerge from that place-brighter.

Wiser. More careful. More trained.
Cheers to not dying the slow death of adulthood.

It's all nearly worth having in order to enjoy sweet potato mornings.

xoxo,

mp

Someone's Skin

To slip inside someone’s skin

Means to know the sounds the dryer makes on Sunday afternoons

As it battles and kicks around the socks and smelly Tom's inside it’s belly.

It’s the wisdom inside the shower;

Water gets hot fast but comes out slow.

It's the groaning of the floor boards

As they support the soft footsteps of your drowsy, midnight bathroom trips.

There is no clicker to rewind.

And just pull a little harder on the cabinet, it won’t break.

Thousands of times the oven will spit clicks before fire,

It just needs a little time.

But those sunrises on the way to work,

Boy are they fine.

Even if my car never stops at those red signs.

To slip inside

Means to notice all the things we never notice.

In Front of the Claw of Aslan

 

Source 

 "The very first tear he made was so deep that I thought it had gone right into my heart. An when he began pulling the skin off, it hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. The only thing that made me able to bear it was just the pleasure of feeling the stuff peel off. You know-if you've ever picked a scab of a sore place. It hurts like billy-oh but it is such fun to see it coming away."-Voyage of the Dawn Treader, pg. 90

I am currently on a quest to read through the entire Chronicle of Narnia series. This has been the catalyst to many things (not excluding an immense interest in Royal Monarchy, Medieval Times, Dragons, and European history). I have seen the power and love of Jesus poured into the very real character of Aslan, I have felt like the selfish Edmund, I have wanted to be brave and noble like Digory, and have seen the real discrepancy (and consequence) between a life lived right and wrong. And it was there with those very sentiments that I ran across Chapter VII of the Voyage of the Dawn Treader., approximately page 88, the story of Eustace turning into a dragon.

Not only is the story of Eustace becoming a dragon too easily paralleled to our own selfish lives but also his transformation back to a boy easily compared to redemption and forgiveness.

The above quote came after Aslan instructed now Dragon Eustace to undress before bathing in this water he brought him to. Eustace tries unsuccessfully three times to peel his scaly, thick, snake like skin off. He had thought he succeeded each time because some actually came off. But, sure enough, every time we went and looked at himself in the water's reflection, it was still there.

Dang. How many times are we trying to peel our ugly layers off? (That is, of course, when we aren't busy hiding them instead). How many times do we attempt by brute force to fight and conquer and get rid of the things we recognize are deep rooted sin nature in ourselves. And how many times does that actually work?

How many times, instead, do we lay, vulnerable and ready for the possible pain, in front of the claw of Aslan?

Galatians 3:3 "Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now trying to attain your goal by human effort?"

And Aslan let him try. Three times he went about that nonsense was Aslan watched. Then He says, "You will have to let me undress you" although Eustace was afraid of his claws, he was desperate. He badly wanted to bathe in that water.

And the pain was awful, but the skin came off

"Well, He peeled the beastly stuff right off-just as I thought I'd done it by myself the other three times, only they hadn't hurt-and there it was lying on the grass: only ever so much thicker, and darker, and more knobbly looking than the others had been. And there was I as smooth and soft as a peeled switch and smaller than I had been. Then he caught hold of me-and I didn't like that much for I was very tender underneath now that I'd no skin on-and threw me into the water. It smarted like anything for a moment. After that it became perfectly delicious as soon as I started swimming and splashing I found that all the pain had gone from my arm (the consequence of his selfishness and greed)." pg. 90

The changes Eustace underwent began at his most vulnerable point. Although he pretended to be better than the others on the ship and angry, he was really, at the heart and when no one was around, just sad and lonely and wanting love (sound familiar?) But make no mistake, these changes were not authored by Eustace himself but by Aslan. And it wasn't black and white or completely over after the bathing moment. Many times, the fight is daily. Many times, there is no neat linear motion.  The book goes on to say,

"To be strictly accurate, he began to be a different boy. He had relapses. There were still many days when he could be very tiresome. But most of those I shall not notice. The cure had begun" pg. 93.

And here is where I want to point out a very real truth against a very deep lie. In case you forget, as I often do, just because sometimes you doubt, get weighed down, don't listen to truth, or do it your own way does not mean you don't love Him, are not His child, or are not winning in the big picture. He's bigger than your hot mess. He's bigger than your inconsistencies. You see, Paul said it best when he wrote, "

"I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his UNLIMITED PATIENCE" 1 Timothy 1:6 (that scripture is hysterical to me)

Be willing to feel the pain that's needed to peel off the layers.

Save your energy, you can't peel them off or get rid of them yourself.

So, get under the claw of Aslan, the only place real transforming power lays.

xoxo,

mp

Chairman of the World

He wiped his face with his handkerchief, for he was quite warm from the exertion of being Chairman of the World. It had taken more running and leaping and sliding than he had imagined. (from Stuart Little by E.B. White)

My memory fails me sometimes and I forget how easy it is to steal the throne of control.
But it's too big for me and I don't fit well inside it.
The happenings assumed with the throne (that once seemed so easy to manage) have shape shifted.
Shifted their shapes and shocked me.
They are heavy, they exhaust me, and I am exhausted.
Flummoxed.
They are beyond me and I am beyond Him.
Or He's beyond me?
Maybe I liked being confused and complaining.
I think I'll switch chairs.

Fruit

Sukkot is one of my favorite High Holidays on the Jewish calendar! It's about (amongst many other things) being thankful for the fruit in your life in a season where things are dying (Fall). How beautiful is that? There's a real correlation in my mind. Most times, death is required before fruit can be produced and here we are, leaves changing vibrant reds and yellows, falling to the ground and dying while we think about the fruit in our lives.
As we are in Sukkot, a time to remember how God provided for the Israelites as they wandered the desert, I am reminded of being thankful for harvest both literal and metaphorical. And while it's hard to understand a world where what's in your fridge correlates to what's in your bank account (thank you credit card company?) I can understand spiritual fruit. You don't invest, you avoid the unpleasant, you refuse to trust the Lord, you want the easy way out...and wam bam you get what you want, but it really wasn't what you wanted. And the bonus? No spiritual fruit was produced in you.

And don't get me wrong, it's easier to not have spiritual fruit produced in your character. The process of dying to self, learning to lean, and being honest with God about your true state stinks.

But when it's all said and done, we are glad we did it every time.

And since this fruit thang thang has been on my brain, and I just so happened to be in the book of Galatians, I started looking at the fruit of the spirit...and realizing how unnatural it really seems to me:

• love
• joy
• peace
• forbearance
• kindness
• goodness
• faithfulness
• gentleness
• self-control

Now before you start thinking you've got it on lock down and I'm a hot mess...I'm not talking about the really good moods and good days when everything is going right and it's easy to be some of these things. Or days when you can fake it really well. I'm talking about this being a part of my character, so much so that it seeps out naturally in my thoughts, actions, and attitudes. Because, let's be real...loving someone other than your self is entirely foreign (your whole life you are the center). That's why mothers are like super heros to me. Or goodness? Please. I can't even help myself be a hypocritical fool on the road pointing out everyones mistakes they make driving when I just practiced the same behavior 1 minute prior on the of ramp of 490. Patience? The absolute toughest for me and not in my nature. Self-control? Ha...

And it's not that I don't try, I do. In fact, most of the problem results from my effort. This is not a battle of sweat and muscling through. I will never bear these traits in my being by mere brute force. This is a hard concept to really get. But truthfully, there is more power in an open and raw dialogue with God about where you are with these things. Not covering it up, or pretending, or doing better next time, but a realization of your person; controlled by emotions, selfish, impatient, and doubtful...and letting Him see all of it.

I want these things to be woven into my character. I want to have my life be lived for others. And mostly, I want to do things and be these things when no one is looking but Jesus. Because I want Him to be my only audience and motivation.

Take a look right by that section in Galatians when you get a chance. You will see another portion dedicated to acts of the sinful nature. Whether I like to admit it often or not, I am much more familiar with those acts. Those are like dear friends at times.

During that time walking around in the desert, God was clear about something: rely on Me. Don't store up the food, don't try and turn around, don't make your own way. Just follow the fire by night and the pillar of smoke by day...and slowly, year after year, you will get there.

I just hope I don't go around in circles making a journey that should take 2 weeks, a journey that lasted 40 years.

So, be honest with Him.
But mostly be honest with yourself.
And trust that what He requires, although uncomfortable, produces what you really do want.

Happy Sukkot!
mp

Keep Walking

Well, it would do me no good to run away. There were other bears in the woods. I might meet one any time. I mights well deal with this one as with another. 

 (from Little House In The Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder)

I remember a time, not too far back, when all the things I was hoping for, fighting for, reaching towards were entirely unseen. Everything was shaking and uncertainty was the thick cloud I breathed. I remember feeling like a house, whose foundation was being ripped up and replaced. During reconstruction, everything seems scary.

I remember talking on the phone in the middle of the mess to a woman who very much is a mentor to me. She patiently reminded me of the truth and the progress that had been made even if I couldn't see a single step in front of me. I remember not being able to see, feeling totally hopeless, but knowing the only thing I could do was keep walking forward. I remember in that moment realizing what the scripture "hope in things unseen" meant and what it required. And I remember a decision I had to make; would I turn around after all this time and give up? Go back? Retreat? Or would I press forward, even though I was tired, even though I was doubting, even though I felt like I had reached my end.

I remember the Lord whispering to me about the joy in reaching the end of ourselves.

And so I kept moving. Because, what else could I do? If I stopped now, I'd never finish. And if I didn't get past this obstacle, it would only show it's face another time.

You know the feeling when you start deep cleaning and everything seems to be messier than when you started? Or when you are doing renovation and it feels like no order will ever come to that part of the house again? That was how I felt, and I was the house.

I was already in the middle of it. I had burned all the bridges and all the walls were already knocked down. Tons of energy, effort, and tears had lead me to the very place where I currently stood. Part of me knew, deep down, that what lay before me, as unseen and unsure as it seemed in that moment, had to be there.

So I kept walking.
And He kept uprooting.
And He kept fighting (for me).
And He kept whispering.
And He kept leading.
And slowly, (painfully slow) with my hand in His, He began to maneuver me around that deep forest I was in. Turning right when I thought it should be left, teaching me along the way, dodging potholes and unseen prickers, stopping to point out beautiful wildlife when I was in a rush to finish.

I didn't have a map, I didn't have the skills, I didn't even have the right shoes-but He lead me. And I think the end of myself is just what He was waiting for. Because as soon as I tired of trying and muscling my way through, as soon as I just let Him take my weak and weary hand, we were already out of the forest. And I didn't even realize I was out until He told me to take a look around. Suddenly, the familiars were gone. All those things I had assumed would always be there (the thoughts, the doubts, the fears, the habits, the mess)...were back in the woods. And there we were, standing together in a field, the sun shining, hand in hand.

"For this commandment which I command you this day is not too difficult for you nor is it far off" Deut 30:11 

And I could tell He wasn't at all surprised. In fact, it was almost as if He was grinning with a "I told you so" type of smile.

"What I have said, that I will bring about. What I have planned, that I will do" Isaiah 46:11

He took roots that were so deep and ripped them out.
He transformed ways of thinking.
He changed patterns of behavior.
He washed away lies that I believed.
He instilled truth, joy, and peace that I didn't understand.
And all I had to do was say, in a weak and unsure voice, "ok".

I could still be standing back there where He asked me to give Him my hand.Or worse, I could have turned around and walked deeper.
But He said He was going to do it...long before I even knew how much there was to do.
And He did.

And as I'm looking to the new year, and thinking back on the past 2 years, I want to cry.
He really is who He says He is.
He really does what He says He'll do.
He really finishes what He starts.
And the impossible really is made possible with Him.

And while there will be more battles to fight, more hills to climb, and more uprooting that needs to happen in the future-He has brought me out of a forest I never thought ended. (And I never want to go back)

So if you are standing in the middle of a dark (and super scary) forest and are thinking of turning around remember that it would do no good to run away. You've come too far already. If it's not this thing, it'll be another. You might as well deal with this bear now.

xoxo,
mp

"But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has?" Romans 8:24-25

"I burned the bridges, they can't be found. I paid my vows, no turning around. I am Yours. Whatever it feels like. Whatever it looks like. When I heard Your voice, when You said my name, my heart it yearned for You..."-Misty Edwards

Snapshots

This is a little late for a 9/11 post but, really, it isn't about 9/11.
A few weeks ago my housemate and I were checking out after grocery shopping. We were laughing a little because we both know my least favorite part of the grocery experience is at the end; the magazines. I really enjoy grocery shopping but I hate getting into the line-o-mags. I hate anything that's set up for impulse shopping but mostly every moral fiber in my being is animatedly opposed to everything those magazines stand for (my pontificating stops here).
 Being the complete opposite of me that my darling housemate is, (you should live with us, it get'\s pretty interesting) she starts looking through them all. I normally ignore her while she's doing this and trying to talk to me about things she's reading but this time she was showing me a picture of an article done on 9/11. It was a piece on the children who were not born yet. Their mothers were pregnant when their dads passed away on 9/11 either serving as emergency relief or workers inside the buildings. I really thought it was an interesting perspective; a snap shot of 10 years later. Here were faces of these kids; fully cognitive beings with favorite colors, first days of school and first teeth already behind them. Last I left off with them, they were babies. But their life continued and those 10 years were full of lots of experiences and moments leading up to this picture of them I was now seeing.

And it got me thinking...lots of things hold more power when they are snap shots of one season or time to another. Anything given a substantial amount of time in between really changes and adapts.
It's like loosing weight or getting older. We don't notice the few pounds or wrinkles on ourselves or the people close to us because we are an intricate part of their daily ebb and flow. Now, take the same changes on a person you haven't seen since high school and you notice the 7 pounds, the new way they part their hair, or the quirky habit they picked up along the way.

And I've spent enough time with the Lord now to know that He uses stuff like this to start getting my brain in a particular frame of mind so He can keep working out some other things He has to say...and He did.
It started with the 9/11 magazine moment and continued.

I began thinking about where I was 10 years ago when that happened. I remember sitting in keyboarding (ha!) class. I started to remember how I looked at the world, what I thought was going to happen in life, who I was dating, what was important to me then, how my family dynamics were...and I could not help but be full of gratitude and awe and how much God had shifted and changed in just 10 years. There were so many little things no one will ever know about along with really big changes and shifts that had happened throughout those 10 years. Sitting in keyboarding class, I was so clueless. Sitting at my computer now, I'm just as clueless. It's true what they say, (who is the they we always are referring to anyway? Does anyone ever wonder that) "the more you learn, the more you realize how little you know".

I was in Wegmans again a few days later (I like it there, ok!?) with a friend and I bumped into someone I talked to a few times during the summer before that. Here I was again, staring a snapshot in the face. In their mind, I was the same person that previous summer. And to me, so were they. You start back up with the person you left off with, it's natural. Sometimes you have changed a lot and they haven't, sometimes you both are very different. But seldom do you find you can start right back off where you were.  We weren't there for all the changing and growing and little moments in between in that year that separated us. But I was there for mine. I knew that that Megan was a lot different than the one standing in the cheese section. I hadn't realize all the changes that had happened or even how much progress and growth had occurred until I started talking to the snapshot friend.
It was powerful.

Fast forward two nights later and I'm cleaning out my basement. It was an all out purge session. And I came across pictures and objects galore. Old boyfriend bags (Ladies know what a boyfriend bag is. Those cheesy containers we used to keep all letters, pictures, and gifts in one relationship termination had completed), high school pictures, old family photos, (awkward age 10 stage included) vacation souvenirs, etc. I ended up spending two hours sorting through it all, throwing a lot away, staring at a lot, and realizing the distance that had been formed between those things and I.

This idea kept swirling around my brain long after.
I realized snapshots are pictures from a different time, people particular to a season, even the smell of a type of tea you used to drink during a really bad time in your life.
They all are occupants of a place we used to inhabit but have, without realizing just how far, moved out of.
Snapshots are sobering and powerful. They have the ability to remind you of how far you have come from a situation, person, time, or way of thinking. It can be negative; reminding you how far away you have slid from that person you wanted to be. It could also remind you of how faded a dream you once had has become.
But for me, this time, it's been good. I've been reminded to let myself see how much progress as been made. (I have a tendency to be incredibly ambitious and goal driven, so much so that I don't realize how far I have come from one thing before I move on to the next check-list item.)

And now, with the Jewish new year Rosh Hashanah approaching and we're all looking towards the next year to come, it's powerful to think back to the snapshots you have from previous years.

So, rummage through your snapshots.
Pull out the tea you drank last year all the time.
Go back to the park you sat at every Friday.
Facebook stalk that friend who you spent a lot of time with two years ago.
Read the book you read during that really depressing February.
And...remember.
Because chances are, you've changed a lot.
Chances are, a lot of ground has been gained.
And it's probably the very thing you thought wouldn't change.

Deut 30:11, "This commandment that I'm commanding you today isn't too much for you, it's not out of your reach."

So, L'shanah tovah! (For a good year...)

xoxo,
mp

Hold Me While it Hurts

If there's one thing that's happened this summer (besides a beautiful trip to Hawaii, Italy, loosing my job, and backpacking the Finger Lakes Trail, ha! Did all that really happen?!) ...it's a deep revelation of God the Father. I have realized my most powerful weapon is intimacy, vulnerability, and a raw nature with God.
This, however, is one of the scariest things we can do. Opening up the most ugly parts of yourself to a God who is not only unimaginably holy and good but who is also the victim of some of your own misunderstandings of His character....is a bit unnerving. But He was patient and relentless....and is beginning to show me where His power is made perfect.

And since I don't have a super great understanding of fathers, this one was tough for me. Are dads a distant and firm presence in your life? Are they monitors of moral behavior? Are they angry at you? Are they uninterested? Do you have to be strong to win their love? Do you have to win their love? Do you have to do things to fight for their attention? Of course the answer to all of these is no.

But the one question I found myself asking Him is,

"Is it possible for me to trust You completely and still cry?"

And the one thing He keeps saying is,

"Let Me hold you while it hurts".

Because, see, trusting God in a transition or tough time doesn't mean you are super strong, without emotions, and totally fine. You can still be sad, still be emotional, still need to be held...while you are still trusting in a God who's perspective is so much bigger and who knows so much more.

The lie is that we have to be strong, brave, courageous, and emotionless if we are really trusting God.

It says that if you were really trusting, you wouldn't need to be held, or hugged, or ball your eyes out on 490E on the way home like some climatic rainstorm/car scene in an indie movie.

But here is what I know to be true:
1-I trust God in this transition but what I have to let go of in order to move to the 'new thing' is painful.
2-I trust God with some desires I have placed before Him, but while I am waiting for those things to come into my life...it can be hard.

And He is saying, for both those things,

"Let me hold you while it's hurting"

So, if you're trying to be strong...just let Him hold you. Just because it hurts doesn't mean you don't trust Him.

xoxo

mp


But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not YET have, we wait for it patiently... (Romans 8:24-25)

Illusions of Control

 (Source)

"Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered-how fleeting my life is" Psalm 39:4 NLT

As of late, there has been this desire growing in me for a secret get-away. I want to find a mountain top, a place with an entirely different perspective of the everyday; both literally and metaphorically. A place to pray-to really get a perspective shift. Maybe a once a month sort of thing. Jesus had them. I think it's a good idea.

Prayer helps correct myopia, calling to mind a perspective I daily forget. I keep reversing roles, thinking of ways in which God should serve me, rather than vice versa. It's a way to realize my tininess and God's vastness. (Yancey)

I think without this sort of intentional shifting of our everyday, our illusions become more of what we perceive as reality. I begin to forget I don't know best, I start to think I am not so small, I want God to be manipulated by me, and truth becomes harder to identify in the midst of everything else.

More importantly (and more terrifying than anything else), is my illusions of control. Without a perspective shift, a mountain top prayer place, I begin to think I really am in control. I forget God made the moon and the heavens and that if the Milky Way galaxy were the size of the entire continent of North America, our solar system would fit in a coffee cup. (wow!) I start to crown myself queen... God even. And I'm not a good God. I don't really know much past my immediate desires and limited scope of vision. And I certainly have nothing in control. 

Phillip Yancey said it best, "I live in the daily hope of getting my life under control. At home I left a desk covered with to-do lists" study the manual for my balky printer unclog pine needles in the gutter, unstick the toilet, change snow tires, check on my sick neighbor. Maybe if I take a day off, I'll have time... On the mountain one bolt of lightning, splitting a rock on a nearby peak and exploding against my eardrums, exposes any illusion that I am ever in control. I can count on the moment before me, nothing more".

So, as I let go of my illusions I find in place of a false sense of security...a Father.
Who is good and for me.
Who has got it all under control.
Who I can blindly follow and know it will work out.
And who just wants me to be honest and raw about the me that keeps wanting to get in the way.
Because humility, the step down, makes possible God's lifting us up. By trying to be strong, I'm blocking God's power.
So cheers to stepping down (every month).
And here's to hoping I can find that perfect place!

xoxo,
mp

Manipulating God

(Picture by Mary Kate, "Tantrum")
"There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death" 

Proverbs 14:12

News just in; God is not provoked to change through my apoplectic attacks.  He is not a man who is easily coerced. It doesn't matter how much I don't understand, how many fits I throw, what it is that I think I know better, He will not move. He is unchanging. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. And you know what? I'm glad.

Because what I'm learning is just like the verse above says, sometimes there are things I think are right, they feel right, they seem right, I want them to be right, they should be right...but in the end they will lead to heartbreak, pain, running off course, distraction, and a hot mess.

It's not that God wants to hold out on us, either. In fact, He is the giver of every good and perfect gift. He even provides us with a promise that anything we ask for in His name, we will get. But it has to be in His name. It has to be under His will, in alignment with His plan. If we ask for anything that will be good for us and for His ultimate plan to bring Himself the glory He deserves...it's ours. But how many times do we ask for things outside of this course we're on for our life? How many times have we asked for the very thing that is poison for our souls?

I am so relieved that my schemes and manipulation techniques won't work on God.

 

Imagine the disaster that would ensue if that weren't true. Picture the consequences a parent and child face when the stubborn toddler is able to frequently manipulate their parents. How much different, really, are we? God is the best Father, the most wise parent, the most patient caretaker. And He will not be manipulated. No amount of kicking and screaming, yelling and throwing tantrums, will move Him off the course He knows best.

Lately, I am so thankful for this fact.

The picture above is from the bedroom of my friend, Mary Kate. (Who, by the way, inspires me, spurs me on, sharpens me, and who Jesus lives in!) With it, the scripture Psalm 73:21-23. I like it best in the Amplified Version,

"For my heart was grieved, embittered, and in a state of ferment, and I was pricked in my heart. So foolish, stupid, and brutish was I, and ignorant; I was like a beast before You. Nevertheless I am continually with You; You do hold my right hand."

He will wait out our tantrums, He will not give in to our manipulation and fits, He will patiently discipline us and guide us, and even better, when it's all said and done...He will still be there holding our right hand.

I get this great picture in my head when I see the last part of that verse. I invision the moment after the big crying fit, you know, when it's super hard to breathe and you're taking in air at short intervalls. You're just starting to calm down...and you look down at you're right hand to see His still there. It's normally at these moments in life when you give out a sigh of relief and chuckle. You're foolish, He's patient, and you're still together.

Because, really, there is a way that seems right to us in that moment but it leads to death.
Nevertheless.

xoxo,
mp

More Like The Giving Tree

 

(Source)

Philippians 2: 3-4 "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others"

I have a lot of friends who love the book The Giving Tree. In fact, one of my girlfriends Jess even has a beautiful tattoo of it on her arm. But I need to confess something; although I realized the book stood for deep, profound, beautiful things...reading it has always infuriated me.

How terrible is that? A book about giving of yourself to the happiness of others made me angry. And you know why? I think it's because I felt sad for the tree. To me, it was weakness. Why didn't the tree stick up for itself? Tell the boy he was being selfish. Explain to the boy what was right to ask for and what was not OK. Tell him that it was one-sided and that he was cut off. And why couldn't the boy have been a better friend?  But I'm wrong.

I was reading in Philippians today and it's clear-to give all of you is right, to hold back is wrong. Self-preservation is wrong. Being closed off is wrong. The whole Bible makes that clear. For goodness sake, Jesus should NOT have given Himself like He did, right?! Imagine if He didn't do for us what we very well deserved to have not done...

It's because I have been in self-preservation mode, because I needed to take care of myself and survive, because I was looking out for me and felt like if I gave too much, everyone would take all of me, leave, and there would be nothing left. But what that's created is selfishness. Holding back from others what God has put in me to give. To hold on to your life, you lose it. To die is to gain. How could I have missed this? It's not that I didn't read it, it's that I didn't believe it. It's that I thought my way was right and that God was confused on this one. But it's the inside, outside, upside Kingdom. He will not let me give more than I am able to give, and He will sustain me.

Now, this isn't to say that you are extreme about this concept. You don't let yourself get walked all over and beaten up. You don't do it to people please or to gain affection. You do it to glorify your Father. You do it because you are to consider others above you. You do it because at the end of your life, if you self-preserved perfectly and always didn't give if someone didn't deserve it or was asking what you thought was too much...it wouldn't mean a thing.

So, God is calling me to be like this giving tree. Even if it's scary.
And to let go of this idea of survival and self-preservation, because it's not Biblical.
God will provided for all of my needs, I don't need to play that role anymore.
And maybe no one noticed, maybe it never seemed like it was like that-but God knows my inner world and heart...
So I wanted to say I'm sorry, to Him and to anyone I have held back from.
I'm sorry if I didn't compliment when I should have, or encouraged you when I should have.
I'm sorry if I didn't let you into my world when you deserved to be in there.
I'm sorry if I only got out of it what I needed and left you without what you needed.
I'm sorry if I didn't extend my forgiveness when you hurt me.
I'm sorry I didn't give.
Because I want to be about the interests of others and not just my own.

Proverbs 17:11, "He who builds a high gate invites destruction".

High gates are there for protection. Sometimes we build up our own city gates around our worlds for the same reason. Although wisdom is important, the battle is for the Lord. More destruction comes from gating everyone else out.

xoxo,
mp

Convincing Proofs

And hope is like love...a ridiculous, wonderful, powerful thing. (from The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo)

So, I'm reading in the book of Acts, and right there, first paragraph, it hits me...

"After His suffering, He showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that He was alive"

Let's back track a little bit. This is Jesus, who has just spent an enormous amount of time with these men teaching them, being left alone while they fall asleep, and then dying. This guy just died on a cross and came back from the dead...and here He is, still proving Himself to doubtful dudes. Anyone else find this a little bit too close to home?

I mean, it's everywhere in the Bible. Just look at God in Isaiah 1:18. "Come now, let us reason together. Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow". It's like He's saying. "Ok, Israelites.  You're a hot mess. You never listen, you never get it, you are constantly turning away from me...but I'm gonna be patient. I see what you really desire...and that's Me. Even though you act like a two year old." What?! Here is an eternal, powerful, all knowledgeable God...and He is willing to take the time to reason with us. Ha! Isn't this a crazy concept?!

I am constantly needing more reassurance that He is really alive and that He really loves me. And you know the funniest part about all of it? He is constantly showing Himself to me and giving me many convincing proofs. Proof that He IS alive, that He IS for me, that He DOES love me, that nothing has changed since the last time I asked.

Ever find yourself in the middle of so many things years ago your heart secretly whispered it wanted?

You never realize it as its unfolding, just when you're smack dead in the middle of it all.

As I was biking home yesterday, I heard Him whisper to me, "Take a look around your life, Meg"

I just started crying, like a fool, on my bike. (I was so glad I had sunglasses on)

For many reasons that would take too long to explain (and I think Jesus is saying are secrets between us) so many things have come to fruition. Little things, big things, important things, not so important things...they are there. Not because He had to but because for some strange reason, He is in the business of proving Himself even though He doesn't have to. It's like He wanted to say to me...."See Meg, I heard every heart whisper, I was there then and I'm here now"

So, take a look around you.

Are you in a season He spoke of years ago?

Are you doing things you couldn't put into words before?

Is He showing himself and proving He is alive in little ways only you could know?

xoxo.

mp

Truth to Fight With. Truth to Lean On.

A long time ago, I made up a booklet full of "truth cards". I wanted to share them with you all on here. Lies can be a funny thing. They can make you act in strange ways, think strange things, and ultimately set you off your course. Some of these biblical truths are fighting scriptures and some are leaning scriptures. That is to say, sometimes it's time to fight with truth...and sometimes it's time to just lean on truth.

The following scriptures and verses are my most used/weathered/favorite verses from the truth cards:

1 Corinthians  15:58 "So my dear brothers and sisters, be strong and steady, always enthusiastic about the Lord's work, for you know that nothing you do for the Lord is ever useless."

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2 Corinthians 10:4 "The weapons we fight with are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds"

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Psalm 84:11 "For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor; no good thing does He withhold from those whose walk is blameless"

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1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to us all. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it"

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Mathew 6:33 "He will give you all you need from day to day if you live for Him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern"

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Deut 14:2 "You have been set apart as Holy but the Lord your God and He has chosen you out of all the nations of the earth to be His own special treasure"

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James 1:24 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything"

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James 1:16 "Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows"

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James 4:7-8 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you"

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Romans 8:38-29 "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present not the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord"

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Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations"

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Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes"

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Psalm 37:3-5 "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will do this"

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Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry"

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Psalm 34:22 "The Lord redeems His servants; no one will be condemned who takes refuge in Him"

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Hosea 11:3-4 "It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them"

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Jeremiah 33:6 "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security"

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Psalm 18:16-19 "He reached down from on high and took hold of me, He drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy who were too strong for me...but the Lord was my support. He brought me into a spacious place, He rescued me because He DELIGHTED IN ME"

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Psalm 121:5-8 "The Lord watches over you-the Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun will not harm you by day nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm-He will watch over your life"

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Isaiah 54:10 "Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed, says the Lord who has compassion on you"

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Isaiah 43: 18-19 "Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland"

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Hope you can fight with,

Or lean on,

Some of these...

xoxo,

mp

Unseen

 (Source)

It's funny how ideas are, in a lot of ways they're just like seeds. Both of them start real, real small and then. . . woop, zoop, sloop . . . before you can say Jack Robinson they've gone and grown a lot bigger than you ever thought they could. (from Bud, Not Buddy by Christopher Paul Curtis)

This goes for the lies and the truth.
Tonight I had one of those nights where the lies got louder and louder until I was saying them out loud to a friend on the telephone. All I needed was a little truth to be spoken and POOF! That cloud of negativity and despair was lifted and I could see clearly.
It's like when you're in a race and you're getting tired and you think you can't go one step further-you start telling yourself you're gonna stop...and then someone cheers for you and throws you some water. That's what happened tonight.
And the exciting part?
The lies were stopped a lot sooner than they ever have been before.
Nothing is different, just my perspective.

The problem with lies (besides the obvious) are that they seem to be right there in front of you, tangible almost. Something about you as a person or about your situation seems so real you could almost touch it.

The problem with truth is that many times it hasn't yet materialized. It's there. It's always been there. But it's not always easy to see.

Hebrews 11:1 says, "now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see".  

Isn't that convenient to a people who need to touch it. To see it. At least, it would certainly be helpful.

1 Timothy 1:19 says, "CONTINUE to have faith and do what you know is right, some people have rejected this, and their faith has been shipwrecked."

Sometimes that means you need to continue to plow on when it stops getting easy.

When it's hard to see in front of you.
Sometimes that means you need to ignore your feelings.

When everything else in you in screaming to give in to doubt and listen to lies.

Sometimes that means you need to grab on to what you cannot grab on to.

Because He is faithful to complete it.

I have this hope as an anchor for my soul.