“Come, Mr. Frodo!” he cried. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you and it is as well.” (from The Return of the King by JRR Tolkien)
For anyone who has ever FELT a certain way that seemed real but wasn't.
For anyone who questioned whether Jesus had temporarily left their side.
For anyone in the middle of swarming thoughts and emotions.
I will look like a crazy fool in this journey if it means you know you are not crazy...
(Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.")
I recently had another "Wave Night". I haven't had one of those in a long time. Wave nights are characterized by huge, tsunami floods of emotion; too strong to think logically.
It's funny. Thoughts and emotions are a powerful thing. They steer your actions and they have the ability to control your entire mood and person if you let them. But they are not real. And one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn how to control thoughts and emotions. Or you'll spin.
For anyone who questioned whether Jesus had temporarily left their side.
For anyone in the middle of swarming thoughts and emotions.
I will look like a crazy fool in this journey if it means you know you are not crazy...
(Ephesians 4:25 "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.")
I recently had another "Wave Night". I haven't had one of those in a long time. Wave nights are characterized by huge, tsunami floods of emotion; too strong to think logically.
It's funny. Thoughts and emotions are a powerful thing. They steer your actions and they have the ability to control your entire mood and person if you let them. But they are not real. And one of the best things you can do for yourself is learn how to control thoughts and emotions. Or you'll spin.
In the past, these left me paralyzed and sent me for a spin.
Now, they still have a powerful effect....but this time I know truth a little better.
I know some foundational things that used to be shaken before but can't be shaken now; God is for me, God is good, and God is in control.
I know some foundational things that used to be shaken before but can't be shaken now; God is for me, God is good, and God is in control.
So the other night, as this flood I had thought I would never have to swim in again...came rushing into my bedroom all I could do was say,
"This is not real and I'm OK"
Now, to those of you who don't have these emotional episodes...this sounds crazy and melodramatic.
But in the moment, although I am a fairly logical, intelligent, independent woman...these are the most terrifying and real moments.
The difference with this time was that although it FELT real in the moment, I remembered the deception from before.
It smelled like real, it tasted like real, it felt like real...but it wasn't.
It smelled like real, it tasted like real, it felt like real...but it wasn't.
So I said over and over out loud (like a crazy woman)
this is not real and I'm OK.
I wrote it on post-it notes on my wall through tears, "This is not real and I'm OK"
And as I said it, I felt the Lord saying to me....
"It is in moments like these that you either you believe I am with you and I never leave you or you don't"
And this is truth. Hebrews declares it,
"I will never leave you nor forsake you"
Hebrews 13:5
Just because I felt totally abandoned and alone in this emotional flood of a fight for that moment, I wasn't.
Just because it seemed that if He was there it wouldn't be like this, He was there...and it was like this.
But I really do believe He sat by my side on my bed that night...holding my hand and walking me through it.
Because He is proud of me (and you).
Because He is in control.
And I'm sure it hurts His heart to see me like that more than it hurt me that night.
I still have so much to learn.
About being selfless.
About not being perfect.
About controlling thoughts.
About controlling attitude.
About controlling attitude.
About being more like Jesus and less like me.
About being secure in love and resting in grace.
So much so that it's overwhelming.
But I have learned something really important through nights like those and the time in between, something more important than any other lesson we learn; God is for us, He is good, He never leaves us, He never forsakes us, and He is in control.
So even though He can't carry the thing for me, He can carry me with all of the stuff I'm holding.
xoxo,
mp
But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him.
2 Corinthians 2:14
It's always coincidental when I have a revalation about god holding my hand when all I want to do is be in control. I was sitting in the parking lot today thinking about certain expectations that I have of myself in the present, but realized that my efforts are insignificant compared to what he is doing for me. I enjoyed this post : )
ReplyDeleteFirst of thank you for liking my blog post about the friends of Pike Creek park. (It was liked under Willandmegan gravatar. I did some hunting to find your blog, and I'm so happy that I did. I'm grateful to God that He is in control, and has been in control of my life for over 40 years. I suffered many years with rollercoaster emotions. I wish I had your insight when I was younger. Even though I knew that I knew that I knew He was in control, my emotions would tell me that I was alone in the world. Thank you for the reminder that even when all looks bleak circumstances always change, and God has your/my back.
ReplyDeleteHow did you find this blog? :) (Just trying to figure out how to sync the two and get this one out there more) I am happy you did, too! I know too well what you mean by 'feeling alone' and 'rollercoaster emotions'. So glad we have hope that's the anchor for our soul. And the He really does fight for us. Any wisdom/insight for me after your years with it?
Delete