My Inheritance

So the Lord gave Israel all the land which He had sworn to give to their fathers, and they possessed it and lived in it. And the Lord gave them rest on every side, according to all that He had sworn to their fathers, and no one of all their enemies stood before them; the Lord gave all their enemies into their hand. Not one of the good promises which the Lord had made to the house of Israel failed; all came to pass. 
Joshua 21:43-45

 As I sit here this morning on Christmas eve, reading in Joshua, I reflect on this year. And what I keep hearing Him whisper is His unchanging promises. What He has said before, it will come to pass. He always finishes what He starts. What has God said to you that you have given up on? Maybe too much time has filled the space between then and now. Maybe too many obstacles appear before you. Maybe you are not where you were with Him since He spoke it to you. But He always finishes what He starts.

Joshua is a pretty remarkable, albeit long tale of allotments of inheritance(!). I swear, 8 chapters seem to be dedicated to going through precisely which land by which river in which geographical location in relation to other allotments God has alloted for each tribe. I admit, I skimmed past all of this...but Joshua has been so great to read. A few things I have been taking from it: 

• Just because God promises something, doesn't mean it won't require everything from you to make it happen.  

 God said there would be a promise land. He made it clear that it would be theirs and that the wandering time would be over. But I was surprised to see even after that desert place they endured, they had to fight so many battles to conquer and win it over. And while God always went before them and gave them their enemies, they had to fight. I'm sure it required stepping out in faith more times than not while coming up against seemingly insurmountable obstacles. I envision battle scenes, blood and sweat, heavy breathing and shaking knees. But God always came through. 

•  The battles you are fighting now have consequence for more than just your life. 

 Joshua 14:9 says "The land on which your feet have walked will be your inheritance and that of your children forever, because you have followed the Lord my God wholeheartedly" When I read this, I remembered that time years ago before battles in my own life began where God promised that every generational thing would stop with me; Alcoholism, drug abuse, insecurity, rebellion, hard heartedness,wandering, anger, abuse. It stopped with me if I said yes. If I agreed to what He was asking of me and endured the uprooting and fight, it stopped. I remember getting an image in my head of standing on a huge flight of stairs. I had my hands stretched out towards the top of the stairs, holding back what seemed like gallons of black tar and sludge. And it stopped right where my feet stood. What does all of that mean? My decisions would effect generations after me. My children wouldn't know what I knew or my mother knew or her mother knew. It started new. And it started with my 'yes'.

• Once your inheritance is given, you have to make a concious decision to go from what you were to taking up what you're called to be.

These men and women fought for the promise. God came through. The story of Joshua for many chapters talks, as I said, about allotment over allotment. But right in the middle of the tale this scripture stands out: Joshua 18:3 "So Joshua said to the Israelites, "How long will you wait before you begin to take possession of the land that the Lord, the God of your fathers, has given you?" What?! You'd think they'd be ecstatic. Here was the time, the moment they had been waiting for. What was keeping them? I am no biblical scholar, but sometimes I see symbols and parallels in my own life. I think change was scary. They only knew what they had always known. Maybe they didn't even know how to function like this. How to take the land and start this new season. And change, even if what you're in is miserable, is sometimes scarier than just staying where you are. But pick it up, and walk in that promise you have been working towards!

And then, my favorite part of all of this entire story in Joshua. What I read that made me take a step back and realize what season I am really in,

"So the Lord gave Israel all the land He had sworn to give their forefathers, and they took posession of it and settled there. The Lord gave them rest on every side, just as He had sworn to their forefathers. Not one of their enemies withstood them; the Lord handed all their enemies over to them. Not one of all the Lord's good promises to the house of Israel failed, every one was fulfilled"

And that's when I saw clearly. It's almost like a child having a dream, kicking and functioning as if the dream was real...and they wake up and realize where they actually are. My wandering time in the dessert is over, my battling for my inheritance and the promises of God is over, and here I stand...my inheritance carved out for me, He has delivered all my enemies into my hands, and all He said He would do He did. And now, I have to decide to take posession of it. To now fully function and live in that new season. It is radically different from everything I have known and requires setting down everything I used to be familiar with. It requires me to be willing to come into a new season, even. Settling here. Rest on every side. This doesn't mean the battling stops or that new things won't be required of me, but I have to settle into this new land He has given me. Make it my own. Accept the rest He promised.

So thank you, Lord. For coming through on all Your promises. And for then, setting us down in the middle of safe pastures. Thank you for being who You said you are. And for doing what You said You'd do. I thank you for chance after chance. I thank you for patience, grace, and redemptive power.

And thank You for the kisses of Your word.

Help me to take possession of my inheritance, of the allotment.

xoxo,

mp

Remember

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Last night William and I were reading our Bibles together. Since he's been in Jeremiah, we began talking about what he has gotten from it and what he thinks. While I was looking along in my Bible, I flipped past Jeremiah 31. Jeremiah 31, for a long time, was my 'season chapter'. Have you ever had a scripture, a word, a mantra, and chapter in the Bible, or an idea that was with you for a long period of time? Something that was so relevant to you for that season you couldn't get away from it. Jeremiah 31 was that for me for about 2 years.

Looking back on that season I can only describe it a few ways:

1. I had said 'yes' (meekly and weakly) to Him doing whatever it took to make me into who He wanted me to be. No matter how uncomfortable or painful it felt.
He promised to me in Chapter 31,
"The people who survive the sword will find favor int he desert; I will come to give rest to Israel"

2. With that statement, God was completely demolishing an 'old house' and building a 'new house' from the ground up.
 Jeremiah talks about this idea when He says that He will "uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant"
                    He spoke to me of broken bones not fully healed needing to be re-broken.

3. He began revealing faulty belief systems I had functioned under and started teaching me new ones. 
 (What a Father means, that being angry and yelling at Him was OK, and that I was could not continue controlling what I was trying to control if I wanted His best)

4. God was teaching me how to be honest with Him, raw, angry, anything real.
He can take it.

5. I was told to grab a hold of promises that I was not even close to being able to see or feel. 
He would talk to me about delivery, pregnancy, birthing pains. About having a promise inside of me grow until His perfect timing when I would 'give birth' to it (I get it, weird). Scriptures like "Do I bring to the moment of birth and not give delivery? Says the Lord" And would understand, in part, the process and journey we were on.

But what did all of that really mean?

A heaping, blubbering, fetal positioned Megan on the floor. 

More times than not. Scared more times than brave. Doubtful more times than hopeful. Sad more times than happy. Uncomfortable more times than comfortable.

But determined. Stubborn. Relentless.

Because there was no way I could turn back. 

We had already began surgery.

And a patient in the middle of open-heart surgery cannot just get up and decide they don't want it anymore. 

And so why do I bring this up?  I realized that...

The seasons of brokenness, heartache, and pain are the most powerful and fruitful.

And the season you are reaching for, once arrived, are the most dangerous.

Dangerous because I had forgotten.

 Sitting now on the other side of promises fulfilled, healing, wholeness, stability, and peace, it's so easy to lose sight of everything.

Here I am seeing all God said He's do be done.
"As I watched over them to uproot and tear down and to overthrow, destroy and bring disaster, so I will watch over them to build and to plant"
"Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce...". 

It didn't matter. I still lost sight of it all somewhere.
I didn't do it on purpose. And it's not like it was super obvious that it happened.
In fact, maybe it was 'the norm' for most people.
It was sort of like what happens when you've been married awhile but stop communicating as much as you used to. Sure, you love them. You may even have a few sweet moments. But some passion is missing, some awe, what you had in the beginning has changed and you don't know how it happened. 

I can't let 'the norm' take the place of what He worked so hard to build in me.

I have been given so much so that I can love so much.

I want the fire. I want the discipline. I want the dedication. I want the passion.

"I remember the devotion of your youth, how as a bride you loved me and followed me through the desert, through a land not sown." Jeremiah 2:1

How awful when you realize you are like Israel. You are like the people who you read in these stories only to wonder how they could forget so easily? Neglect so profoundly?

But there is another thing that has been true and woven inside and throughout the entire story of God and Israel....

 They were chased by God.

And I have been chased as well by the lover of my soul, Jesus. 

He says in Jeremiah 31 that He disciplines me like an unruly calf to restore me, that if I come to Him with my whole heart, He will still be my God, that He redeems me from the hands of those stronger than I, and that He will refresh the weary and faint.

So what now?

Let Him remind me. Let Him bring it all back to memory.

Run whole-heartedly back to the beginning of that story.

Just as a couple has to do when they forget what it was like in the beginning, I will do with Him.

Be more deliberate.

Spend more quality time.

Revisit what once made us so alive.

Listen to what's on His heart.

Thank you Lord for what You did in that season.

Thank You for whispering that I've forgotten.
And thank You that You're not done with me yet.

So, if you've forgotten too...it's not too late to be reminded.

Here's to remembering,

mp

"I will make an everlasting covenant with them, I will never stop doing good to them...I will rejoice in doing them good and will assuredly plant them in this land will all my heart and soul" 

Jeremiah 32:40

Brave, Generally

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"I'm very brave generally," he went on in a low voice: "only today I happen to have a headache." 
 (from Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll)

 I started reading Joshua this morning. Two words kept sticking out to me:

Strong. Courageous.

God tells the people, "Be strong and very courageous." and then later says, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged."

While I do think sometimes it's easier to become discouraged, I am realizing that courageous and brave is not what I had thought it to be.

 Something struck me a few months ago while I was waiting at a red light.

(Side note: I rarely have such profound thoughts at red lights. Typically, I am impatient.

I wish I'd get better at not wasting my moments while I'm at red lights.

Did you know the average person spends 2 weeks of their life waiting for the traffic light to change? That's two weeks I'll never get back being antsy....)

My whole life I have thought that being brave or having courage meant you didn't actually feel that scaredy-pants-pang down deep in your gut. I always thought it was talking about those brave few souls. The people who never feel the butterflies in their stomach, or the roller coaster ride pit/I'm-going-to-puke Feeling. I always thought of them entering into these situations free from all doubts and worries.

They weren't like me, calculating everything that could go wrong.

They weren't like me, speaking doubts and fears out-loud to myself the whole way there.

They weren't like me, convinced I'd fail before I started.

But the truth is, being brave doesn't mean you don't feel all those things, it just means you walk forward in the face of all of those feelings anyway.

I think everyone who has walked into a burning building was still scared.

And I think every man's heart who has protected his family from an intruder 

was bursting out of his chest.

And every woman who went into labor was nervous.

But they all did it anyway.

My problem is I tend to be immobilized by fear, initially.

I needed to say everything that could go wrong before I would move forward.

It almost seemed like if I was able to point to all the things stacked up against me, I wouldn't be such a failure if it all went wrong. I couldn't be held responsible.

But the truth is, God doesn't expect me to not have some queezy, can-I-really-do-this feelings. But He does expect me to move forward anyway.

Right after the Lord commanded people in Joshua to be courageous and strong, he also said,

"For the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go"

So, I want to start making it a habit of accepting my scared feelings as normal,

Not pointing to everything that could potentially go wrong,

And walk forward in the face of it all anyway.

Because He gets that I'm a scaredy-cat. But He also reminds me He's with me.

So grab His hand the next time you're scared...and walk anyway.

xoxo,

mp

The Unchanging In My Change

"The stationary, yet incomprehensible constant. You cannot change, yet You change everything. You are never new, yet never old. But You make all things new."

-The Confessions of St. Augustine

I recently started reading The Confessions of St. Augustine. St. Augustine was a writer of theological works, his life span from 354-430. Why chose to read works from such an 'old man'? Nothing is new under the sun. I had a desire to read about revelations or insights or God's work from awhile ago. I think I need to be reminded of how big He is and how long He has been doing what He has been doing. I wanted to also gain wisdom from people awhile ago. Sometimes, exposing yourself to perspectives only within a certain season gives you a limited scope. What was this man struggling with back then? What were his sins? How did he approach God? What was God like then?
I think the truth is, St. Augustine sat in a room wondering how He got where He was, too.
He asked God for help to love his Creator just like the rest of us when our fire grows cold.
I'm sure at times He tried to earn grace.
And He, too, was frustrated with His limitations and sinful nature.

But it's so refreshing to see that God has always been and will always be exactly the same.

So, as sort of an ode to St. Augustine...

Thank you, Jesus.

I want so much, but can give back so little.

I make promises, just to muscle through them and fail.

I'm reminded of truth, only to forget not long after.

I hear your whispers, only to block out your voice.

I'm stilled, and then I pick back up anxiety.

I'm washed clean, to roll back around in dirt.

My hears cries out, only to be hardened again.

Tears fall, fortresses go back up.

But You, Lord, stay the same through the ages.

I'm so grateful that it's impossible to do this life with Him through my own strength.

I'm breathless when I realize His love for people who can't seem to get it together.

And I've fallen in love with a God I so easily fall out of love with.

Because, He will never change.

No matter how many times I do.

Ephesians 6:8 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--"

When you feel out of love or distance seems like home,

When you just came seem to pull it together,

When you thrash about in your heart's changing nature,
When you've found yourself back to what you ran away from,

When you've failed more times than you care to think about...

He will always finish what He starts in You.

After all, God is not surprised by our failures.

But He is a jealous and determined God.

xoxo,

mp

For His Glory (The Worst of Sinners)

-Quick Journal Sketch by William Head:)

Yesterday, William and I got to church early. We were suppose to have a membership meeting but it got canceled. Instead, we got a chance to sit while they practiced worship. I started to just flip through the highlighted sections of my bible and read out scripture to both of us. While listening, William sketched me. Afterwards during worship, I was so filled with thanksgiving. First, for realizing I was sitting in a place of worship with a man who is the promise of God fulfilled in my life, realizing God has given me all the desires of my heart (I mean, a man who wants to sketch you and listen to the Word of God read out loud?!)

 I feel like God in a rush of an instant went through the story of His love for me so far. Rapidly, snapshots and images ran through my head of different time frames of my life, seasons, and moments with the Lord. Afterwards, God had me sit down during worship and write the following:

"1 Timothy 1:16 'But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display His unlimited patience as an example for those who would believe on Him and receive eternal life.' Jesus, as I reflect on my life, I can't believe how true what you said in the darkness with me really is. When I was spinning in circles, confused, lost, and really bruised...You began the work in me. You slowly began bandaging me up. You began whispering to the places deep inside me. 

It was dark...but You spoke light.

You slowly increased light, gently revived my heart, gave me hope, and brought me to life. You stripped me down and ripped out the entangling weeds around my heart and spirit. You brought me into covering, a place of community, of discipleship, of structure and of safety. But only after our time together. You spoke to areas that hurt the most and You proved yourself trustworthy with my hurting heart. You slowly showed me I could stop running and that I could let go.

You reconstructed the identity I thought I had...or the one I didn't yet have and set it on a solid and unmovable rock.

I didn't believe I could be made whole, let alone brought into a spacious and peaceful place. You gave me hope and trained me to believe in things unseen. You taught me about batting, about perseverance, about Your Fathership and Leadership. You brought to me a mentor and friend who walked with me through the hardest times and gave me wisdom and tools to fight. You tore down my entire old house and build a new one from the group up. And in the right time and not a moment too soon or late...you brought me him. William. Only after discipleship, after I had routine, after I was surrounded by good community, and after healing. You brought me to the farthest place I could go and you knew we would be able to take each other to other places we couldn't without each other. 

And now I am settled. I have victory in the battle with emotions and with the past and with hurt and with sin. I have structure. I have safety. I have an identity in You. I have support and love. I know what brings me life and what brings death. I've stopped running from what You wanted to accomplish in me and I let you do what needed to be done. And all along the way I kept crying out, "Jesus, don't give up on me." as I stumbled and fell and got back up again.

And now, it's calm. Peaceful. Quiet.

And I have a teammate to hold hands with and walk into this next season.

Thank You. For pushing me forward when I didn't think I could take one more step. For giving me strength to persevere when I couldn't imagine my heart bearing a single ounce more.

You made me whole and you now are refining me.

And the best part, the most valuable lesson I got from all of this...You did this because You delight in me. And most importantly, 

You did this for everyone else coming behind me. 

For Your glory, for others. That I may speak with power to the same areas in others hearts. Because I have victory in those places. Because there were no short cuts taken. Because I know by testimony and tears the power of your resurrecting love and faithfulness.

Thank you. I can only show You thanks with my worship. With my life. Dedicated to you.

So use me. I'll say yes. Never let me go."

You see, my story of coming to know the Lord was not a quick and radical change from the way I was. It was a slow, painstakingly slow, process of becoming consecrated to the Lord. And He was patient. And He was faithful to His promises.

Recently, I revisted my old church. The place I got saved at, the place where it began. One of the members there kept looking at me, almost confused about what it was that was different. He just kept saying "You have matured, Meg somethings different. You're mature". I could tell he kept looking on, kept pondering what it was that seemed different than the last time he saw me.

Later on that day, a friend I visited with texted me this:

"He kept saying you have matured. But I think you are now whole"

God will finish the work that He started in you.

And He will use it for His glory.

xoxo,

mp

One True Love

 

(Source) 

 Tonight, as I'm sitting in my living room with dim Christmas lights, worship, and a warm blanket, I'm realizing...I need this.

I need to be stilled. To be calmed. To have storms raging outside and be pulled into His presence.

It's been too long.

And no matter what is happening outside, nothing else matters. 

There's no other place I'd rather be.

How quickly I forget.

Thank you, Jesus. 

Tonight, I'm reminded of my First Love. The One who has chased me, who has picked me up, who has molded me and protected me. The One who has looked upon me with passion when I could barely stand up from the ashes. And the One who smiles when I have victory.

A book I used to love, "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard comes to mind tonight...

"…it had opened her eyes to the fact that right down in the depths of her own heart she really had but one passionate desire, not for the things which the Shepherd had promised, but for Himself. All she wanted was to be allowed to follow him forever.
Other desires might clamor strongly and fiercely nearer the surface of her nature, but she knew now that down in the core of her own being she was so shaped that nothing could fit, fill, or satisfy her heart but He Himself. “Nothing else really matters,” she said to herself, “only to love him and to do what he tells me. I don’t know quite why it should be so, but it is. All the time it is suffering to love and sorrow to love, but it is lovely to love him in spite of this, and if I should cease to do so, I should cease to exist...."

He goes before me. He is behind me. He is all around me.
And I so happy to be in the middle of a love story unfolding.
To be in the middle of a battle raging. And be taught to fight by the King Himself.
And to enjoy in the promises He has brought.
And to learn...goodness I pray I would never stop learning.

Thank you, Jesus. 

For being what I couldn't.

And for turning ashes into beauty.

Make me like You.

And show me You. 

Enjoy your night of wind and rain,

mp

God Is An Investor

This weekend, William and I went on a wine making adventure. We took a drive to Ontario, New York where someone I know has a house settled by the lake with acres of delicious concord grapes.

This was super exciting for four reasons:

1. Adventuring with William is one of my favorite things to do. Along with working as a team.
2. I have wanted to get out and do an exciting fall adventure.
3. Making wine has been on our project list and we were finally starting it!
4. The grapes were FREE (thank you, Jesus!)

With all of that said, it was a really great day. Lots of outside, lots of picking, lots of laughs, and lots of indoor wine making steps ending with this beauty below (that we now affectionately refer to as our 'baby')...

 So we waited with excitement, anxiously anticipating our BUBBLES. These bubbles would indicate that all of our hard work paid off and the fermentation started. We waited, we checked up on it, we walked by it over and over again....

And for the first day, our wine did not bubble AT ALL.

As the wine sat there not doing what it was suppose to do Will and I talked about how even if this first batch botches, we are determined to try again. I think this is primarily because we are stubborn and will work at something until it's how we want it but ...

It's also because we have an investment in this now. 

We don't want to waste the money (and the time) that we have put into it.

Sitting in church yesterday God spoke to me and I realized,

God has an enormous investment in US.

Bigger than money.
Bigger than carboys and tablets and time spent mushing up grapes (and feeling like fiber glass was all over our arms afterwards!)
He invested His only Son.
So that we could exchange our sin for His glory.

"Rather, clothe yourselves with the Lord Jesus Christ, and do not think about how to gratify the desires of the sinful nature." Romans 13:14

This 'rather' speaks to me about exchanging one thing for something better. And we couldn't have had this exchange if not for His investment. We would be still in our 'filthy rags', unable to take them off, unable to find anything new to put on, unable unable unable.

Back to investments. Someone with an investment doesn't just give up when there's trouble or it doesn't go smoothly.
Our wine wasn't bubbling right away but I kept checking. I must have walked over there a million times and looked at that carboy filled with juice and grape skins not doing what I wanted it to do. What it should be doing.

How much more does God think about us? Work with us? Chase us? Redeem us? Cover over us with the blood of His son?

In Zechariah 3:2 it's put this way, "Is not this man a burning stick snatch from the fire?".
He is passionate about us. He would stick His hand in hot coals to grab us from our mess. He has loved us with an everlasting love. For goodness sake, the entire old testament is a story about a God so in love with His people that He forgives over and over just crying out, "If only you'd turn away from those things and repent". Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. But His pursuit never ended. 

Do we think that because we fall and fail and continually strive but not meet this level of holiness we so desire...that He just gives up?
He doesn't.
His desire is that we would be saved, and then be used.

"In Him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in Him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit" Ephesians 2:21-22

God's been working on my house for several years now. He demolished it, rebuilt the foundation, threw out the junk, reworked the electric, and as of recently did the nice stuff...painted, decorated, etc. And now...He wants me to do what this has all been for...be His house, created to do good works.
He didn't save me just so I could sit in my metaphoric house enjoying my nicely painted walls.
He did it so that I would want:

To seek out the broken.
To minister to the hurting.
To lead by example.
To snatch others from the grip of the enemy.
To speak truth in love.
To demolish all arguments that set themselves up against the truth of God.
And to help others let God rebuild their house. To tell of what can be done.
To stand as a testament to His power and purpose.

But, remember, Romans 2:8 says, "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this not from yourselves". Your quest for holiness, for keeping your House a place where He can dwell and use you...will never be met and maintained on your own power. You didn't know your house was a mess, you didn't know it needed to be rebuilt, you didn't know where or how to start, and you certainly won't be able to do this....without Him.

So press in.
And when you fail or accusations come from the enemy against you (sometimes pointing to very true things in your life) remember two things:

1. You are, in fact, a mess. And need Him. Sometimes what the enemy is saying IS true. But...
2. God does not give up on His investment. And He wouldn't invest in something that He didn't KNOW would come together in the end.

So let God work out His investment in You.
Someday you  might just start bubbling...

xoxo,
mp

Hinds Feet on High Places

“I am afraid,” she said. “I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can.”
“That is true,” agreed the Shepherd. “To love does mean to put your self into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very much-afraid of pain, are you not?”

-Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurdard

First thing, if you haven't read the above book...I highly recommend it. This allegorical novel speaks to the depths of our souls. It enchants us, it challenges us, it pierces the places we try to hide, and it breathes and brings life.

Secondly, I am a girlfriend.

I say this because, this is a scary thing. 

To be in a relationship that is serious  and not some flippant thing. 

...one that you are fully invested in...is scary.

It's scary because, as Much Afraid realized, you let down all of your tall walls of protection so that the other person might come in and really know and love you.

But it is also a beautiful thing.

A thing that changes and grows and takes on different shapes and forms in various seasons.

It seems that part of God's design in relationships and ultimately marriage was to make us more like Him. To show us the parts of ourselves that are selfish and impatient. To learn to daily die to what we think we are entitled to, to pride, or to the 'victory' that comes in being right.

And it's hard.

Hollywood lies. Storybooks lie. Facebook lies. Older couples lie. Even our friends lie.
Because the truth is, it's hard, and it takes work, and it can be painful, and there really is an enemy that wants to wage war on your relationship.
 

But while we are trying so hard to not be found out (as people who are imperfect and struggle with many things...including the other person at times) we have missed the power that comes with honesty. When you are honest with the people God has put around you (and honest with God), this power can bring radical change to their relationships and heart.

Recently, I had a very raw and open conversation with God. And then one with a girlfriend on a long car ride. What I realized is that certain things need to change, that I was imperfect, and that we all along the way need a wake-up call...something to jolt us back into reality and into a walk that resembles more of Jesus. 

And God is faithful to give you everything you need to be able to do this as soon as you surrender it to Him. We are coming out of Rosh Hashanah (The Jewish New Year) and entering into Yom Kippur...a time of really letting the Holy Spirit reveal to you the hidden things in your heart.

I am encouraged that it's a New Year and a new season.

And as I began to embark on this journey, God prepared me with scripture I would need to be sustained and encouraged. Before I'm done, I wanted to share it with you here. If there's something you have not yet attained or a place God is calling you into that you don't think you can really make it to...look at these.

Say them out loud.

Post them around your house.

Write them on your hand.

Because 2 Tim 3:16 and Heb 4:12 tell us the power in the Word of God. We know that it is useful for training and for correcting and that it is living and active and sharper than any double edged sword. It is our life line and paired with the Holy Spirit, the only thing that can truly bring radical change when we find ourselves in a dried up place. I hope they bring life to you and resurrect any dead things you are carrying.

xoxo,

mp

Power Verses

1. Hebrews 13:20-21-"That the Great Shepherd of the sheep EQUIPT YOU for doing HIS WILL and may He WORK IN US what is pleasing to Him"
2. 1 Corinthians 10:13-"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man and GOD IS FAITHFUL. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted He will also PROVIDE A WAY OUT so that you can stand up under it"
3. 2 Corinthians 1:9- "Indeed in our hearts we felt the sentence of death BUT this happened so that we might NOT RELY ON OURSELVES but on GOD who raises the dead"
4. Hebrews 2:18- "Because He himself suffered when He was tempted He is ABLE TO HELP those who are being tempted"
5. Philippians 2:13- "For it is GOD who WORKS IN YOU to will and act according to His good purpose"

Go Easy

 (Source)

Summer has been stretching.

Summer has been growing.

Summer has been tears.

Summer has been laughter.

Summer has been love.

Summer has been challenge.

Summer has been courage.

Summer has been fear.

...summer has been magical.

I am preparing to put myself under the tutelage of the school year once again. I approach this with mixed emotions. Part of me wants to hide myself from reality and stay in a world where stress is limited, the sun shines, and the world has no expectations of you. But reality is unavoidable and necessary. While watching a Woody Allen documentary on Netflix recently (I'm a big Woody Allen fan) he puts it like this,

 "People in life are forced to chose between reality and fantasy. And it's much more pleasant to chose fantasy. But that way lies madness. And you're forced, finally, to chose reality. And you know, reality always disappoints, always hurts you."

Don't get me wrong, I'm excited too. But I'm learning what a sometimes incorrigible (and much too familiar) 'friend' (but really darkness enemy) that stress is. Is zaps away your hope (that the Bible says is, in fact, the anchor for your soul). It heaps upon you what feels like cement bricks until you cannot breath or see the sun. It strangles laughter. And it does not rest until you have given up and surrendered to it.

But this summer has taught me, refreshed me, and sprung me into a new season. I have made some changes and put in place some safeguards. I have learned how comfortable it is to sit in stress and let it strangle you and how critical it is to run from it and to Him. I have the Holy Spirit inside me and Jesus will never give me more than I can handle. I have learned the value in resting and in thought control.

Of not hurrying.
Of keep things simple.
Of letting go of perfection.
And of getting away (and being saved daily from it)

And as the poem below says, I want to go into this new seasons "easy, filled with light, and shinning".

xoxo,
mp

When I am Among the Trees by Mary Oliver

When I am among the trees,
especially the willows and the honey locust,
equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,
they give off such hints of gladness.
I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,
in which I have goodness, and discernment,
and never hurry through the world
     but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves
and call out, "Stay awhile."
The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, "It's simple," they say,
"and you too have come
into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled
with light, and to shine."

Planting Together

We planted them together. And watered them. And then tightened the soil around them. It means something, you know, when people plant things together. (from Okay For Now by Gary D. Schmidt)

Timeless truths remind you of the things you take for granted or forget. This summer I am reminded of the ineffable beauty in walking through seasons of life, good times and bad, with the people God has placed around me.

But it means you have to get your hands dirty.

They will need things that may not be convenient to you. Or they will offend you. Or you will need more courage. Or you will be asked things that are hard. But you will also experience the joy in working together and plowing up ground. You will experience the laughter and hope that comes from growth and fruit produced.

This summer, I am greatful that I have women in my life that plant seeds in me. That help me (and remind me!) to water those seeds. That come alongside me and tighten the soil. And it does mean something. It means everything.

I am also greatful for the charge God has placed on me for the lives of the specific women around me. To work with someone in their different seasons and to be invited in to speak into and share their life is a great gift, too.

This summer, I am greatful also for the man God has given me. For my teammate. For the promise I sometimes doubted would come true. Who will never tire or hesitate to get his hands dirty in the soil for me. Who not only waters what God has planted in me but who comes and gives it light and weeds around it (when under the tutelage of many things I get tired). And who reminds me of what it will look like when it breaks through the soil. That it's worth it. And who gives me shade when there's been a lot of sun. He is a great man. And planting with him in his life and mine is an honor.

We are iron sharpening iron to each other.
And we are in a fight together against a very real enemy.
No one ever said planting was easy (That's probably why many people don't).
But let's roll up our sleeves anyway knowing nothing can grow without us being willing to plant together.
Because when others are willing to plant in our garden and we are willing to plant in theirs, it means something.

xoxo,

mp

Adventure

The princess laughed and clapped her hands in delight. "A story!" she exclaimed. "And an adventure story at that! What a fine gift." (from Clever Jack Takes The Cake by Candace Fleming)

 Lately, life has been a series of transitions, changing of seasons, and adventures. And although I feel in my bones the slow and steady sadness of summer coming to an end there is also a lot to be thankful for this summer. Recently, the boy and I took on a water tower chasing project together. You see, water towers are really beautiful. You see them in the distant, majestically mysterious, and find out quickly that they are hard to find. You have to want to find them, you have to seek them out, you have to keep your eye on them and find your way towards them. God has been using a lot of metaphors with this water tower fascination (and I'm sure there will be more to come. and I'm sure I'll want to write about it.) I am so having fun working together as a team with Will on this. It brings a different dynamic to a relationship: chasing towers, editing photos, planning dates around future tower locations, and enjoying what God's made in the middle of it all. Adventure really is a beautiful thing. And a great gift from a great Dad.

Check out the site we made to show the water tower pictures and directions. There will be more on there eventually, too! 

Our WordPress :)

xoxo,

mp

 

(SEARS tower in Rochester, NY)

Light Up The Sky

"You light up the sky to show me You are with me"-The Afters

Yesterday was one of those quintessential summer days and nights. My boyfriend picked me up at my house and we drove to a local park to put my kayak in the water. We paddled all over the ponds, past a sea of water Lilly and yellow flowers, and sat in the kayak talking and laughing with the sun shining down on us.

But you know what's funny?
As incredible and caring and giving this spectacular boyfriend of mine is, he was never meant to fulfill all of my needs. And it wouldn't be fair if I expected him to. (or he expected that of me)
Only Jesus was meant to be that.

I am learning that even someone like Will, who is always affirming, comforting, and thinking of me will will never be enough; my needs are a grand canyon worth of needs and I am a colander when being filled. The next moment, I will need more. And don't get me wrong, I know that there is no one else on the planet I would rather be with and I am so full of thankfulness for the man God brought into my life. He brings a fulfillment and intimacy that I never thought I would have with anyone. 

What I am meaning to say is only that Jesus is telling me that only He is the true lover of my soul. He is the only one who can fill me up to overflowing.
 (with something to have to give for Will or anyone else in my life)

We are needy and sinful at our nature. And aching for love. And we can only truly be satisfied in Him.

But He does provide us with different avenues to reveal Himself and demonstrate this love; my boyfriend being one of those. (One of God's plans, I also believe, is to show me how to love Will right. How to be giving, and thoughtful, and self-sacrificial.)

My point? Last night as I was sitting on my back porch with the boy watching the heat lightning and giggling, Jesus whispered to my heart how much He wants to fulfill me, how deeply He cares for me, and how far He is always willing to go to prove that love (the God of the universe never has to prove anything. But He seems to always want to remind me).

He brought a song to my head I have heard on KLOVE. It's by The Afters and it goes, 

"When I'm feeling all alone with so far to go 

The signs that know we're on this road are guiding me home 

When the night is closing in falling on my skin Oh God, will you come close
You light, light, light up the sky You light up the sky to show me that you are with me  

And I, I, I can't deny no I can't deny that you and right here with me  

You've opened my eyes so I can see you all around me  

When stars are hiding in the clouds I don't feel them shining  

When I can't see beyond my doubt the silver lining  

When I've almost reached the end Like a flood you're rushing in  

Your love is rushing in
So I'll run straight to your arms  

You're the bright and morning sun  

To show your love there's nothing you won't do" 

I couldn't have made that up if I tried. 
In the middle of a heat lightning storm, when the sky was totally lit up, it was as if He was saying...

"I lit up the sky for YOU" 

He knows all of our heart's desires and He wants to bring us to a place of trust that is deeply rooted. What does the Word say about this? That "His goodness leads us to repentance" and that "He draws us in with loving-kindness".  For me, He knows thunderstorms and warm rain are a magical thing in my heart. And there we are, myself and this fulfilled promise that is my boyfriend...on the porch watching the most magical thunderstorm all year.

And the best part?

Just as I was about to burst with joy and thankfulness... 

one single, magical, exquisite, bright firefly flew by.

Fireflies are a really special thing between Jesus and I.

For reasons I don't even understand but can only feel.

And in the middle of it all (when I've never seen one before in my yard and only complain every day of the summer that they are in everyone else's backyards) there it was. One single one. For me.

It was almost as if He was saying, This is all for you. You are my beloved. I have chased you and loved you with an everlasting love. Even when you doubt, even when anxiety creeps in, even when you lose your way, I am unchanging. I know you better than you do. And I love you. And I have watched over you. And tonight is a reminder of the fulfilled promises I gave you long ago. Remember this night when you are holding on to promises to come. Remember I am faithful to fulfill my word. Remember I finish what I start"

As much as I can attempt to have you share in this moment with me, some things can only truly be understood between Jesus and you. Some parts of your heart He carves out just for Him.
Think on those secret places you have with Him today.

And here is the point to all of this: be thankful.
If your eyes are open just enough, there may be a firefly flying by...

 

xoxo,

mp

Heliotropes and Suicide

Oh my. This garden of mine.
I am going to be honest and say I am vulnerably exciting about the garden.
What sanctuary it provides, what rest, what respite from the to-do list...and what wisdom.
In very little ways, God has been using the things I've learned about different flowers and gardening principles to mirror back to me principles about Himself, my relationship with Him, and His Kingdom.
This makes sense, Psalm 19 tells us that He reveals Himself through His creation.

And besides, we can learn a lot from plants. Just these 2 principles alone can help my life tremendously:

1- Seek out the sun -Son- (and move towards it at all cost)

Do you know what the word Heliotrope means? It's from the term Heliotropium, a genus of flower. These flowers are known for their movement in response to the sun.

Heliotrope has also been called “turnsole,” after its tendency to turn its flowers and leaves toward the sun over the course of each day. And at night it readjusts itself to face eastward, to be ready for sunrise. That tendency is at the root of the name heliotrope, too. It means to move with the sun.

(Source)

Here is a picture from my garden of just that same thing.

This plant amazes me. Not only does it leave it's comfortable, secure position but it stretches itself out FEET away from it's root. The other day I came outside to see a 8-9 foot piece sustained in midair. I just kept staring at it, wondering what it was reaching for and how it managed to hold itself up suspended.

 Another example of seeking out the sun and life is this plant, right here.

These flowers are comfortable seeking out life anywhere. They will just pop up wherever they can be sustained. It may look uncomfortable, they may have to share space with a big, bushy, green tree, but they thrive.

2-Cut it off (Or it will drain unnecessary life from the plant)

Basic gardening principle (that I didn't know before), whatever is dying, cut it off. When I asked my friend Emily why we do this she responded, "so the plant isn't sending all it's nutrients and energy to a part of it that will never grow or bear fruit". Bah! Of course! How brilliant this concept is. How much of my time and energy do I put into things that don't matter or will never produce the life that God asks me to produce.

Most plants need us to do this for them, to run around with scissors and cut off all the dead things. It helps them grow faster, right? Jesus, of course, is great at this. But I'm convinced we should be able to do it for ourselves, too. Consider it self-suicide. Ha! And do you know what flower seems to be the best at this? While all other plants are wasting their energy pumping out nutrients to the dead heads I have forgotten to pluck, Wisteria does it itself. It seems that the wisteria bush behind my grill that is frequently exposed to hot, summer grill-outs kills parts of itself that have been damaged by my fun. It doesn't wait for me to come along and clip it.

It realizes that life is precious, moments are ticking, and if a thing is dying...it's time to go.
(Ok, so maybe it doesn't actually realize all of that.)

Jesus, help me learn to cut off the stuff that drains energy you have reserved for something else. Teach me to go out on a limb, to seek you out at all cost, to be comfortable in the uncomfortable, and to daily be seeking Your face.

Also, anyone taken a notice to these things called TREES?! They are pretty incredible, too.....

xoxo,

mp

Proverbs 18:21, Hebrews 11:1

This is really a battle.

And you will never 'arrive'.

You have to fight.

There is a war for your soul.

And excuses won't matter.
(And it doesn't make it feel better).

The enemy will come to steal your focus.

But for lack of vision people perish.

And paying attention to nothing but your defects keeps you unfocused.

Don't forget who you are in Christ and what He wants to do for you.
 Self-pity will not help.

You can't be pitiful and powerful at the same time.

When darkness comes and you can't see clearly....

Stir YOURSELF up.

Because apart from Him you can do nothing.

You can't breathe. You can't see clearly. You can't love. You can't get out of bed.

Thank God for when He brings correction.

Be joyful in the pain and suffering.

Rejoice when He disciplines.

Because in the secret places no one can see you must develop your character.

Your integrity.

(What we do when nobody is looking).

It matters what we do there.

The little things matter.
Turning the lights off, putting the cart back, returning the change.

The same power that raised Christ from the dead is inside you.

We are bought with a price. We've been purchased.

And remember,

You cannot defeat Goliath with your mouth shut.

So speak truth out loud.

Even when it doesn't feel right

And we are to call things that are not yet there as though they were.

 It starts today.

Maintain The Gain

 (Before)

 

(After!)

I have started a garden. I have turned into my grandmother.
I like watching birds. I like learning about the different flowers.
I like listening to birds singing and trying to remember which one it is.

Yesterday, a friend of mine from out of town came to help me get it all set up. She had lived here previously and done a lot of work on the garden I had so conveniently inherited.
We went to a local farm and got lots of flowers; marigolds, geraniums, Salvia, succulents, and some crazy rainbow sherbet looking junk.
We also went to Home Depot (woof) and got a bird bath, pots, soil, a hose, etc.

And after a lot of work, shrimp, basement floods, water refills, slivers, and dirty hands...

it. is. finished.

And I really believe God wants to use this garden experience to teach me something profound; maintenance.

Maintaining something you have started or established is no easy task. One-and-done jobs are so nice because it's easy and it requires your attention for one moment and then you can go about your life. The funny thing is...I currently can not remember anything that only happens once. Well, maybe death. Here's some examples of things (some very annoying to me personally) that require maintenance:

Buying flowers for your dining room table. They die. Enjoy getting more.
Buying groceries. You eat them. Enjoy getting more.
Daily devotional time with Jesus. You quickly forget. Enjoy renewing your mind daily. (But really)
Daily dying to yourself.
Working out. Had a nice workout? Enjoy having another.
And on and on the list goes.

This garden will require maintenance.
And I will have to stay on top of it.
I have to remember how often to water. And that cycle is different than the miracle grow cycle. And sometimes, it will be a chore. Having that little paradise in my backyard comes at a cost.
But I know that He will want to talk to me about weeding, maintaining things, death, life cycles, the importance of rest, about water bringing life, about taking care of even the birds, etc etc.

I'm excited to have a summer with my Father. I'm excited to learn and be taught through His creation.
And I'm excited to potentially keep something alive (I will!) and not kill it

(with forgetfulness, laziness, or neglectfulness).

I think there's a lesson with this garden in those 3 relationship and success killers, too.
Those who have ears to ear, let them hear. Lord, give me ears...

Cheers to summer projects!
Anyone have advice on humming bird feeders?
 (Or how to kill squirrels?!?!)

 (Before)

 (After!)

xoxo,
mp

Repotting  

by Lynne Sharon Schwartz

The healthy plant outgrows its pot

the way a healthy child outgrows its clothes.

Don't let it suffer constriction. Spread the Sports

or Business section of the New York Times

on the dining room table. Find a clay pot

big enough for fresh growth. In the bottom

place pebbles and shards from a broken pot for drainage.

Add handfuls of moist black potting soil,

digging your hands deep in the bag, rooting

so the soil gets under your fingernails.

Using a small spade or butter knife,

ease the plant out of its old pot with extreme

care so as not to disturb its wiry roots.

The plant is naked, suspended from your hand

like a newborn, roots and clinging soil

exposed. Treat it gently. Settle it

into the center of the new pot, adding soil

on the sides for support—who isn't shaky,

moving into a new home ?

Pack more soil around the plant,

tapping it down till you almost reach the rim.

Flounce the leaves as you would a skirt. Then water.

Place the pot back on the shelf in the sunlight.

Gather the Sports section around the spilled soil

and discard. Watch your plant flourish.

You have done a good and necessary deed.

Number My Days

When did life start moving so fast?
It seems like just the other day I was playing soccer, having sleep overson my roof on State Street (remember when Sarah Fabry ran in her underwear down the street?) , and driving around in a '93 Plymouth Laser.
When did it change to 5am morning routines, staff meetings, and just waiting for the weekend?
I hate it admit it, but sometimes that's just what I do; wait for the weekend.
And I'm someone who loves my job.
What happens to my life, though, when I'm just waiting for weekend activities?
And where did the past 3 years go?

"Show me, O LORD, my life's end and the number of my days; let me know how fleeting is my life."
Psalm 39:4

Be patient with my rant but... I can't help but feel like perhaps it's a trance.
Maybe one of the most beautiful things about being in this season is forcing yourself to enjoy it all. All the grocery shopping, the laundry, the 5am mornings, etc.
Maybe by not having lots of time, we start to cherish the moments we have.
And why don't we have time?
Who swallowed time and burped up appointments and to-do lists?

Am I the only one who feels like it's impossible sometimes to balance this whole thing?
And still enjoy the sunsets?
And not forget about your grandma back home?
And not waste the entire week waiting for Saturday?

I want to snap out of this trance.
This trick.
This vacuum of favorite TV shows, facebook hours logged, and newest apps.
I want to shake things up in my world some days.
Enough to make me realize my days are numbered...and they were never about weekends.
I will someday be dying. And someday, it will matter what my Tuesday afternoon looked like.
Or how I handled a million little stressful moments with people I loved.
Or if I lay on a bathroom floor with a friend while she cried.
Or if I gossiped.
It will all matter.
I want to live a life worthy of my calling.

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Ephesians 4:1-5

And what is this gnawing sense of 'If only ____ then I'd be happy'.
This uneasy feeling that we are always heading towards something.
Rushing through yellow lights for it.
Bumping into people in Wegmans for it.
Not going to little kids birthday parties for it.
Violently spinning around in circles for it.
...when we've never even seen what 'it' is.
....I don't think there is an it.
I think it's part of this trance we can so easily succumb to.
And it's not even that busyness is bad.
But if I were to be honest, sometimes I'm not even enjoying where I'm at before I'm off to the next thing in my head.

And does anyone else ever feel the fight against selfishness?
The almost impossibility of living a life for other people?
When everything in your blood screams to live for you.

This entire culture is about being selfish, being impatient, rushing your days, envying your neighbor, and winning whatever race we all get thrown into.

And it'd be easy to move away to some other country. It'd be easy to convince ourselves that if we just get out of the United States, we'd be better human beings.
But I feel like Jesus is telling me that this is the best training ground.
And I can't muscle my way through it, I have to sit down with Him in the mornings...and let Him wash over me all the things I can't give myself. I have to let Him take from me all that I've grabbed unto the previous day. I have to ask to be cleansed from all the muck I've invited in.
And I have to function in a society that is contrary to truth.
Because, He wants to make sense of it all.

The truth is, my days are numbered.
And if I don't somehow get a hold of this truth...
I will spin in circles and budge people in lines for a moment that doesn't exist.
If I don't honor the month of my life spent at red lights,
Or how the rain rests on the leaves in the morning,
Or how there will always be laundry in my basket....I will miss what matters.

Spending time with the God who can make sense of all of this.
Writing a letter to a friend getting married soon.
Making small talk with the woman just as undecided on toothpaste as I am. (Because, let's get real folks-have you ever looked at the back? How do you decide? The ingredients seem the same and my golly they all claim to have different effects!)


Just the other day, I had a man named George from my Nissan Dealership drive me to my mom's work while my car was being worked on. We talked about his life, his choice to move to Rochester, his granddaughter who wanted him to paint her car pink, and KLOVE. Before I got out of the car I asked Him, "What wisdom would you give a 20 something year old trying to figure it out". I waiting in anticipation for his answer when he finally said, "There's nothing I can say that you'd hear. You'll figure it out. Just do the right thing over and over."


Not what I was expecting. But I don't even get that right on a daily basis.


What did the woman two years ago say when I asked her the same thing on a park bench? "The grass isn't always greener."


I don't get that right, either.


Jesus, wake me up from this trance.
Daily.
Teach me to die to myself.
Daily.
Help me love others above myself.
And teach me to number my days....
(Because they are flying by)
(And I can't always decide on my own what things to spend time on that will matter)
.