What Will You Do?

There are always scary things happening in the world. There are always wonderful things happening. And it’s up to you to decide how you’re going to approach the world…how you’re going to live in it, and what you’re going to do. (from Countdown by Deborah Wiles)

Oh, my. Within the past 6 days my heart has been ripped out, it has been poked at, examined, stretched, and broken. It has also been brought back together and held in the palm of His hand. It's amazing what can happen in 144 hours. Or 8640 minutes. Or 518,400 seconds.  Everything can happen. 

Remember when I posted last time about God speaking to me about a new season of Him as 'Daddy'? Well, that couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. You see, Fathers are there to support you and protect you. But a Daddy is different. A Daddy holds you while you are crying, He rocks you to sleep, He kisses your cheeks, and He calls you princess. A Daddy can be so much more. 

Saturday night I found myself crying out for 'Daddy'. And He came. (He always does, doesn't He?!)

I am going to be vulnerable here and show you two different passages from my journal. 6 days apart. 

Passage 1-  (The Day the World Caved In)

"I am exhausted thinking about life and what it will take me to get through every battle and storm. The fight, the fight, the fight. The relying on You and not myself. The battle. I don't want to fight. I told You I couldn't do this. This ONE thing I couldn't handle. So what's the goal?  I'm tired. I feel like I can't do this. I can't be strong. Not for me or for anybody else. And I wanna give up. I want to just break down. Let it all flood over me and consume me. I don't wanna pray. I don't want to fight. I want to crawl in a hole with you, Jesus."

Passage 2- (The Day(s) God Begin to Be Strong in my Weakness)

"I realize You are doing a serious work in my heart.You don't want to leave any area left in me untouched by Your redemptive hand. And You'll do anything or use anything to get me there. I thank you for the protection and care of a Daddy. For looking out for me. Speaking to me. Healing me. Holding me. Enlightening. Strengthening when I didn't think I had an ounce left in me. For bringing me all the things I needed to fight. For ripping out or tugging at roots that prevent wholeness and closeness to You. For a church body. For seasons. For Your perfect timing in everything. For promises fulfilled. And for discipline. Yes, even discipline. 

What's my point? Things will change. He comes through when you can't. Even when it seems like your world is crashing down, it's not. He really can do what you think can't be done.  He does bring hope to a hopeless situation. He does come in on your behalf and infuse you with strength when you are completely empty. He does revive areas of your heart that have died or have been locked away. He will reach down and mess with wounds that are infected and injured if it means He can touch it with life-changing medicine. And it WILL hurt. And you won't want to feel it. But He will even help you with wanting help from Him.

Pslam 147:10-11 "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse nor His delight in the legs of a man; the Lord delights in those who fear Him, who put their hope in His unfailing love"

He doesn't want me to be strong enough. Or brave enough. Or enough of a fighter. He wants me to throw myself at His feet and be held by my Daddy when I have no hope. And He will flood me with hope and His unfailing love.

John and Stasi Eldridge in Love & War put it this way, "There are certain things you never discover about God until you go through hard times; there are things you never discover about yourself, too".

And their quote resonates with me. There is something powerful about valleys with the Lord. Something sweeter and deeper than any mountain top season you have with Him. Because there are no short cuts in this Kingdom. If you want healing, it will hurt. If you want freedom, you will sweat and bleed for it. If you want worth, you will die to all other areas.

Right now, I picture a little girl getting a sliver stuck in her finger. Her Daddy brings her on His lap and tells her to look away. He tells her that it's going to hurt at first but then it will get a lot better. She asks Him if she could just leave it in there because she's too scared of the pain and doesn't realize how good it will feel to have it out. Fear does this. He explains that if it stays, it will get infected and become much more painful. What else can she do? She doesn't know another alternative and she's on his lap now. So, she relectantly agrees...hoping he is right. Excrusiating pain follows and then...relief. He was right! She is amazed looking at the spot on her finger which once caused her so much agony. And he smiles, holding the sliver in the tweezers. Showing her what it was he took out.

I feel like this with God right now. Except this is no sliver. What we deal with is much more than sliver and scrapes. Sin erodes the soul. The enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy. And if he can't lull you to sleep with complacency, he will do just about anything else it takes. BUT GOD comes to bring life and restoration. He comes to make all things new. To use what the devil meant for evil as good. To revive areas in our life that have died. To bring hope that anchors our soul. To equips us to deal with the trials we face. And to persevere. For our character. To be complete and lacking nothing.

So, Jesus, here I am.

Sometimes barely, sometimes fiercly. 

 And I call out FEAR and CONTROL and INSECURITY.

I lay them at Your feet while You hold me.

Do what You have to do. 

It's gonna be worth it.

So, what will you do?

xoxo,

mp