Hephzibah. Flight.: Plodding Through the Mist.

Much-Afraid is a character in a book I have been reading entitled Hinds Feet on High Places. At this point in the allegorical novel, she has overcome a lot of different obstacles on her journey to the High Places. Fear has crept in, lies have been listened to, and many tears have been shed. Every time, however, she has learned a valuable lessons and has moved on to the next step in her journey. And right when I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, when I am soaking in all the ineffable beauty that is Jesus in this book, page 144 reminds me of a scary part inside myself:

"She began to realize that, cowardly though she was, there was something in her which responded with a surge of excitement to the tests and difficulties of the way better than to easier and duller circumstances. It was true that fear sent a dreadful shuddering thrill through her, but nevertheless, it was a thrill, and she found herself realizing with astonishment that even the dizzy precipice had been more to her liking than this dreary plodding on and on through the bewildering mist.
In some ways the dangers of the storm had stimulated her; now there was nothing but tameness, just a trudge, trudge, forward, day after day...
able to see nothing except for white, clinging mist which hung about the mountains without a gleam of sunshine breaking through"

When I came across this part in the book, I had already been thinking a lot about the moments that make up our hours, our days, our lives. I had actually, only days earlier, posted a status on facebook that read,

"While the 'highs' are exciting, and the 'new' is refreshing...most of your life is determined by how well you handle the boring, the seemingly unimportant, the ordinary moments, and your determination to really commit to the things that are not, at least at that time, 'exhilarating'."

I feel like God is whispering this to me now. Preparing me for a season to come. You see, up until this point it has all been exciting. Everyday is a new adventure with Him, or a lesson to be learned, or trials to go through, or sacrifices to make. It's painful, it's hard, but as Much-Afraid put it, "the dangers of the storm stimulated me".

And that's not to say it won't be exciting again or that it won't be exciting a lot-it will. But I have just cut a lot of strings. Those things that held me down, tripped me up, kept me in the same cycles of behavior and thinking-they're gone. But those were also some of the strings that kept it exciting. Painful excitement, but excitement. And so what's left?

Maintenance. Commitment.

Remembering what the Lord said last time He said something and sticking to it. Realizing the small moments of dullness and obedience are just as important as the larger more exciting moments of fire and trial. That the moments in the secret place are more important than the moments everyone can see.

And you know what? Maybe if I commit to the unexciting I will develop the character I so very much want in the mundane. Maybe if I cherish doing things in the secret, I won't care as much about anyone seeing them done outside. Maybe I will start to look at the small moments different. I want to have integrity and decency in those small moments when no one else is looking. Those moments I am responding to crazy Rochester drivers or Wegman's line budgers. After all, there are far more opportunities for those than for one moment I will change the world.

I think life is made up of a lot of little moments.

So this week, I'm going to really pay attention to and not despise the times where I'm putting away groceries, doing dishes, getting up again at 6am, taking another shower, doing attendance, getting up again at 6am, secretly blessing a friend in need, taking another shower, doing more dishes, etc. Also, I'm going to look for opportunities inside those moments to be kind, patient, and glorify God.

And when too many of these moments build up without some thrill or adventure from Jesus, I'm going to commit to the daily trudge anyway; day after day. Even when it's boring, even when I don't want to.

Because I think that really makes up your person.
Anyone can do it when it's exciting or there's an audience.
I want to be able to follow Him when it's not.
I want to be able to glorify Him when no one else sees it but Him.

Laura Hackett put it well,
"I will not build my life upon the passing sands of how I feel inside from one moment to the next. But I will love you Lord, my Rock, my God, my Strength. A precious cornerstone."

xoxo,
mp